Not Okay (A "The Fault in Our Stars" Fanfic)

Chapter 5

After a few more weeks of the special treatment, Dr. Maria determined that I was strong enough for surgery. I told her I didn't know if I was ready, so she gave me a week to decide. Seven days to determine if I would live or not. Even though it was my life, it felt like too much of a responsibility to give to someone like me.

The next day, I was laying on my bed when I realized I couldn't spend this week doing nothing. I had to do something, anything. So I got up and carefully selected clothing that actually fit and looked new... Sort of. I combed my short hair and then sat on my bed, tank in hand, staring at my phone. I hadn't really seen anyone since July 2nd, the day it happened, except for Isaac. But I realized I actually hadn't talked to most of my old friends since my diagnosis. Scrolling through the numbers, I stopped on the name of someone who used to be my best friend: Emily Richardson. We used to do everything together- shopping, school work, sleepovers. And then the day came when I went to the hospital, and the news came that I had cancer. I shut her out. I shut everyone out, in fact, until Augustus came along.

After a few minutes, I finally called her.
"Hey, Emily? It's Hazel... Do you remember me? You do?!"
And so our conversation went. We agreed to meet at the mall in an hour. As I loaded a new bottle of oxygen into the tank, I paused. Slowly sitting up, staring at a The Hectic Glow poster on the wall, I realized something incredible.
I was slowly beginning to have a life without Augustus. And I liked it.

Tank in hand, I rolled down the driveway and into the car. As I drove off, I took a deep breath- well as deep as I could take- and shook my head. I didn't know what to do anymore. I thought I was set on dying. I thought I was ready.

I stared out at the growing trees, the birds flying, a little girl walking with her mother. Was I really ready to die?