Caraphernelia (Short Story)

Caraphernelia

" Its over." My girlfriend says as she picks up her two suitcases. "No baby, why?" I say. I am on the verge of tears. Oh who am I kidding I am sobbing. This woman is my life. My love, my air. "I'm over you. I'm done." She is so emotionless. So empty. What did I do? I don't know.  "You can't just throw me away!" I scream. "I am not a piece of shit you rub off your shoe. I am human being." I yell. "And I am done. I've been cheating this entire time. Get that through your head! I am done with you. I am in love with him."  She calmly states. I hear a car honk. "Is that him?" I ask as I walk towards the door. Sure enough there was a man outside in a mustang it was a shitty shade of green. literally looked like baby shit. "Good bye. Delete my number. Forget me." She said finally and walked out of my door. 

2 WEEKS LATER

My life has been hell for these past weeks. She just packed a week or two worth of clothes. So her clothes are in the closet. Her razor is on the side of the tub, her toothbrush is still in the holder. Her hair ties even the covers smelt like her. I have had a battle with depression and I was in a deep one right before she left. Its gotten so bad. I am scared. I am scared that I am not scared to die. My friends keep saying "its time to move on. Pick up the pieces." But whats so good about picking up the pieces. I don't see the world with light anymore. Literally I've been locked in this room for 14 or 15 days now. I haven't eaten in almost 2. I'm a mess. I miss her so much. She can beat me senseless and I'd still come back. I'd say I love you every time she punched me. She was my air. My reason to push through. I've lost that now. I stood up from my bed. A bit dizzy.  Memories flash through my head. When I first talked about her with my mom. 

"Mom I met someone. This girl from Texas. Shes just so amazing." 

"That's nice sweety whats her name."

I put in the combination to the safe 

2, 6, 10

I take out the shotgun and put it in my coat inside pocket. 

I take my keys off the counter and go out to my car.  

I drive to the church on Mill Street. Its always open. 

I get out and walk to the doors. I put my hand on the gun and walk through the entrance, greet the lady with a smile. Its midnight and no one but me, the service lady and the pastor should be here. 

I walk up the isle past the pews, I walk across the stage and stand on the table at the back. It is like a block of wood. The pastor come roaming through. He sees the gun in my hand and he begins to look afraid. He walks out the door he barely came in. I dont' have a lot of time. Pastor John knows me well. This is my families church. Father went to school with him. I don't think I have to worry about the cops more about him talking me out of it. He comes back through the doors. I have the gun to my temple. "Now, now Victor whats going on?" He says. He clearly has a bullet proof vest on under his gown thing. "I'm over it. I'm over life. I can't do it anymore. I'm depressed all the time, My girlfriend of four years was cheating on me, my career is going nowhere and I am just so DONE." I let out a sob after that. "God wouldn't want this Victor and you know this." I laugh. A bitter sick laugh. "To hell with God, He does want this, he wouldn't keep making my life a living hell if he didn't." I cock the gun and put it back to my temple. Before Pastor John could get another sentence out my ex came running through the double doors ahead of me. "Don't do this Victor, don't do this." She runs until she is right in-front of me.

"Oh look who showed up." I say sarcastically. "Victor why?" She has the audacity to ask why? "I miss you baby, you were my everything. You just left. I was your little blue boy, You licked your fingers and you were done."

The cops run through the door. Around 5 or 6 of them. We are getting a crown now. One comes close to me but just grabs her arm and pulls her back to where they are standing. Pastor is in the corner praying. 

"Come down from there kid." One of the officers say. No. I'm leaving. "Okay, I'm Officer Sparks. I need you to come down from there Victor. We can work this out." I still say nothing. "Give me a reason kid." Sparks says. I look directly at my ex-girlfriend. "Bring her to me and I'll tell her." "I can't do that son you might hurt her." Sparks says. "I'll go. Its fine he won't hurt me." She assures him and they let her come up. I turn to my left, gun still at my temple and she looks right at me. "Give them their reason." She says.

 " You can't do anything to hurt me. You can't ruin my night. But you lick your finger's you decide that there is so much more than me out there. That hurt. That ruined my life. I trusted you to hold my heart. It was beating for you anyway." 

I say and let out a sob. The cops still very alarmed and the room is still silent beside the occasional "amen's and dear lords from the corner. She was about to say something when I cut her off.

"What if I can't forget you, I'd burn in hell to have you so what, what is so good  about picking up my pieces to my broken heart? I don't see light down in my home." She is full on crying now. She knows that she can't help this. 

I turn and look at the pastor who looks back at me. Pleading with his eyes, either to me or to God not sure which. 

"Nobody prays for the heartless!" I scream at the pastor. Then I look at my parents who showed up. 

"Nobody gives another penny to the selfish!" I scream at them. Then I finally look at her. I reach my hand up to her necklace. 

"Don't mind me I'm just reaching for your necklace. I gave this to you the day I told my mom about the little girl from Texas." I drop it and it falls against her chest again.

The cops come and take her away again. 

"just give her back to me, I can't afford to loose her again!" I say looking to the skies. Looking for answers. "I miss kissing you, and holding you in my chest. I can't do that anymore. I can't. I can't do it.!" I feel myself loosing sanity. I feel the anger and sadness fueling everything. I don't care. I usually would sit down and take a breather but not now. Not anymore. 

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. My last deep breath. "whats so good about picking up the pieces, what so good, whats so good." I keep chanting this over and over again and then- 

I hit the floor.