How Loud Can I Cry (on hold)

hlcic chapter 5

                     TROUBLE BREWING 

                          CHAPTER 5                                     

That same night, I sat on the top of the stairs with my sister showing her how to make a star. My sister was older than me and so was my two oldest brothers, I was some were in the middle and I also have two younger brothers. It was time for bed and school was tomorrow. I had wanted to tell my sister mama came, but I couldn’t.  She wouldn’t believe me anyway. She would of told me to stop telling stories.

I must have been deep in a sleep, when my sister woke me up, because I did not smell any smoke. When she woke me up her bed was on fire. I smelled this strong smell, it was turpentine. My sister had used it to put out the fire. I ran real fast down the steps because our room was upstairs on the left side.  I told the foster mother Ms. Ross that the bed was on fire when she began to scream at me like I started it. Her and Mr. Ross came up stairs they asked what happen my sister blamed me said I was smoking and tried to put the fire out using that can which she said I thought was water. 

They put the fire out. What they didn’t know is, that my sister jump in my bed and it was her bed that was on fire. The next morning we went to school as usual. When I came home the foster mother was waiting for me up stairs told me to go to the bathroom. I jump from the top of the stairs to the bottom of the stairs ran outside as if a dog had been chasing me. I never ran so fast in my life. I knew I was going to get a beaten. But I knew I wasn’t going to get whipped with no more extinction cords or switches for that matter.  I was telling myself, I was running away and I was never coming back there ever!  One hour later Mr. Ross found me and drove me back to the house. I didn’t say anything on the way back. I was so mad at my sister and at the foster parents for believing my sister. I could have just screamed so many unhappy words but my mouth never moved.

 As soon I came inside the house there was a social worker showing some pictures of my little brothers back which had severe marks, big ones. I pulled up my brother shirt and sure nuff his back had huge marks on them, I must of gotten light hits compared to what my little brother was getting, it didn't feel like it thou. She had been beating him bad. The social worker was telling the foster mother we had to be removed. I just couldn’t understand why they was asking me to stay, of course I said no. 

    So many times I had to stand on the edge of the tub holding on to the shower curtain naked screaming from to top of my lungs as if someone was going to save me, yea right, from the pain I knew was coming.  I started getting mad at mama cause she never came back to get me and if she came back, and got us, none of this would of happen.

      I thought we were all going to the same place because that’s what they said you know the social workers instead, me and my sister went to another foster home. And while we were there eating breakfast my sister threw up eggs grits and jelly the lady had told my sister to eat it. We weren’t there long.The next foster home was no better this lady had a huge flavor flav clock on her fridge to make sure we would not go into her fridge. The fridge was bigger than us.

My sister had ran away and once she return she was then  place at  Madonna heights so I asked to go where she was. The social worker said ok, but once I had gotten there it was to late my sister had ran away again . My younger brothers went to a foster home and my two older brothers just disappeared, yes disappeared.  I had no idea where they were, and every time I would ask, I would get the same story. They were in the system and it is going to take some time to find them, after a awhile I stop asking, because I knew they would tell me the same story, just another lie . 

    Madonna Heights was an all-girl faculty run by nuns. The only nun I remember by name was Sister Felicia who told me what to expect, you know rules, regulations a long list, which told you what you were going to do, from the time you open up your eyes till it was lights out. I started thinking how long would I have to stay here and how long would it take for mama to find this place, and come get me. Is my sister going to come back.  Maybe I should go look for my brothers but where-where would I began. Sister Felicia handed me a blanket, towel, wash cloth and soap and a snack bag with sugar cookies in them, they looked good you could see the sprinkle of sugar on them.   

      I couldn’t sleep. It’s morning already, I hear someone saying, breakfast  20 minutes. I threw the covers back over my face ignoring all noise and sound around me and went back to sleep. No one new that I was missing, until half way into second period, when someone noticed I was still sleep.  Another nun I didn't see before, ask me, why I wasn’t in class? I said what class.  Please hurry she said, you already missed morning service as she handed me a rosary and a piece of paper. I asked her where was the bathroom and she said down the hall, first door on your left. I was praying that there were no tubs, there was none, a sigh of relief had came over me because I didn't need anything to remind me of the physical torture I had been through.