Diary of an Unsettled Girl

Meeting My BioDad pt. 1

let's see. i haven't felt good/normal since i was 10, probably. i found out that my dad was my step dad and that my biological dad was someone i hadn't met since i was only months old. i actually met him right before my 10th or 11th birthday. he lives in chicago, but he drove up to where i live to come pick me up. my mom met him in a Cub's parking lot if i remember correctly. 

she only told me a few things about him before we met. not the important stuff. she told me he was a good cook and that he served in the navy. that they went to college together and that's how they met. not the important stuff. 

he gets out of the car and i give him a hug. i say bye to my mom and we roll out, on our way back to chicago. 

the half sister i never met is in the car too. apparently we look similar, only i was a bit heavier at that age. My...biodad, let's call him...made a comment about this that i remember to this day. he says, "we got a fat ella and a skinny ella." ella laughs because what do you say to that. she's only a few months older than me.

i didn't know what to say. it's not like a kid can control their weight. that's the parents responsibility. it was so upsetting because no one has ever so blatantly made fun of me that way. not even the step dad. mother has.

let me describe the car trip. first, i have asthma. that van we were in was filled with smoke. there were no seatbelts, something i never told anyone. i doubt my mom would have let me if she knew. it was so awkward and very unsafe. but we made it to chicago. 

it's weird, i don't remember where i slept for that whole time. obviously i slept somewhere, i just don't have a precise memory for some reason. maybe it's not important. 

we got back to his apartment/townhome that same night. 

i wake up the next day but don't remember much. how many days was i there, again? let's say 6. that sounds about right. but my birthday is the 29th. did we get there the 27th maybe? did i even stay for my birthday? yes. i think, but i also remember being there for christmas. so maybe let's say was there from december 23rd to the 30th. i'm not completely sure, man. 

anyways, it's me, my biodad, ella, half brother paul (that i'm also meeting for the first time) and my grandmother all in his apartment/townhome. i don't remember eating when i was there. only a grapefruit and pineappleupsidedown cake. i hate those two things, now. 

one day me the bro and sis were downstairs playing some board games. they got bored so we went to watch tv. ella was watching tv, at least. me and paul decided to play but we played under a blanket. his idea. bad, sad idea.

like i said, i was a lil chunky kid. he decided to grope my chest which were just premature boobs. i didn't know what to do. i don't have any other brothers so i don't know what normal. i didn't know i could tell someone. would they even do anything? he's younger than me so maybe it wasn't a big deal, but it just resonates with me, to this day.

i get out from under the blanket and decide to watch tv, ella doesn't say/notice anything out the ordinary. we were all kids. who knows what's right back then if no one tells you.

i don't feel like finishing this story tonight. i'm glad i started it though. the rest of my time there isn't so sad.

TYPE TO YOU LATER

-Unsettled Girl