The War I Chose To Live

Chapter 4 (Nicolás)

While I continued to meet with Anacaona, our commander was tense. He had come to conquer instantly, but it was taking more time then he had originally planned for. He was growing impatient, but he now had the emperor bent to his will. I hoped that Anacaona was safe, particularly from Cortés. Who knows what he could do to her.

Wait, am I getting defensive?! No, no, I'm just concerned for Anacaona's safety. That's not being defensive, right?! Yes, it is. Stop denying your feelings, Nicolás! It's surprising that no one else has noticed yet. But you're telling yourself that wanting Cortés to stay away from Anacaona ISN'T defensive? Right...

Sigh. At this rate, this internal argument could last for hours. It was usually better to block out the voices in my head. Ever since I met Anacaona, I haven't been able to rid my mind of her.

Why, though? What makes her any different than some other person? What would my wife think... Oh no... I can't do this... I can't be with Anacaona... I must tell her...

On my next walk, Anacaona met me in the halls. She was as cheerful as ever, but I had to tell her. "Anacaona... I-I can't do this anymore... I have a wife, back in Spain... I'm sorry..."

She said nothing, but the look on her face told me everything I needed to know. I had just ripped her heart in two, and there was nothing she could say, other than,

"O-Ok. Well, I must go."

She then briskly turned, and walked away, not looking back.

Wow... she didn't even say goodbye...

With a heavy heart, I returned to the other soldiers.