“That’s great” Linda hitched almost jumping like a kid. My vision started blurring. I couldn’t make out what was happening. I could feel the world turning around me. All the noise around seemed to amplify hurting my ears. I couldn’t make out what who was saying what. I could only see Jake’s back and Katherine’s arms around him. He turned around making the beer fall on my top since I was still holding the bottle which was linking me to this misery. “I…I… I’ll be back” I said turning around and making my way to the washroom which seemed to be miles away and from behind I could hear Jake’s voice saying “Don’t take long”. Tears streamed as I closed the door behind me and I fell on the floor. Darkness blinded my eyes as I felt the cold ground in contact with my lifeless body.
“Excuse me?” a muffled voice sounded close to my ear as I felt water wetting my cheeks or it was just the tears. I opened my eyes and could see a lady in her fifties who had worn a cleaner uniform was rubbing my hand making me warm. “You fainted in front of me mam” she said. She helped me get up and I told her to leave because I wanted a minute to recover and told her not to tell anyone and she obliged.
I opened the tap and splashed water on me several times trying to wake myself from my dream. I had been dreaming so much that I was dreaming such nonsense right now. Yes it is just a dream. I have to stop crying or maybe he is playing a prank. He surely likes playing pranks right. I tried to smile looking at the mirror but my lips dint move. The eye liner was smudged below my eyes and the lipstick had spread. I washed my face even harder which left red marks on my face.
Every time my heart was beating I could feel something piercing from within. It was as if my heart had literally broken into pieces and the pieces were stinging me. No, this can’t be possible, he loves me right? I know it. What is happening? No…No…
I heard a knock on the door. I dint want people to look at me like this but they would think something else if I don’t open the door—I said to myself and wiped off the tears and the remaining liner trying to look normal. I opened the door and Linda busted in closing it behind her. “What’s wrong Diana?” I burst out crying on her shoulder “Jake…” “I knew it, don’t cry Diana” she said stroking my back trying to comfort me. “What did you know?” I said between my sobs. “That you liked Jake” I cried even more when I heard it. I couldn’t take it. It was like a blow to my chest and I couldn’t even breathe. I needed to get out of here. I needed to go somewhere, anywhere away from here.
I took a deep breath and looked at Linda trying to stop the tears flowing. “You can’t tell this to anyone ok?” I told her wanting her promise more than ever. I dint want to ruin Jake’s happiness. I wanted him to be happy and it would be possible if he never knew about this. He would feel guilty for breaking my heart and I don’t want to see him hurt.
“I can’t do that Diana. He needs to know.” She said sternly trying to make me give in. but I wasn’t going to do that.
I held her shoulders almost shaking her saying in a threatening tone which sounded more like a plea “You are not doing that. Promise me, please” I said trying to sound stern but it only sounded like a plea. She stayed silent for a moment looking at me and then she shrugged “Alright”
“No, I want you to say it” I said tightening my grip on her shoulders. “Alright alright, I cross my heart and hope to die” she said crossing her heart and she was very serious. I hugged her expressing that her action meant a lot to me.
I took in deep breaths before coming out and Linda decided to speak instead of me and I wanted to thank her so much for understanding my situation but if I opened my mouth I would cry, so I remained silent. On reaching the table I quickly grabbed my stuff and I turned around to leave because I couldn’t stop the tears the moment I saw him with her. I dint want to faint again but I seriously felt the urge to slump on the ground. I made my way quickly out of the door taking deep breaths hardening myself as much as possible.
I stood outside for a moment waiting for Linda. She came a few minutes later. “I told them that you were not feeling good” she said in a dull tone. I really wanted to know what Jake said to that but I couldn’t find the strength to talk. “Jake was worried about you and was about to come but I stopped him somehow” she said as if she knew what I was thinking.
We both walked to the car and Linda drove it knowing I was too beaten up by fate. The entire way I was quite because the last thing I wanted was to get others sympathies no matter who it was. As I reached the door of my apartment I turned to face Linda who was walking next to me constantly keeping her eyes on me “Linda you must get back. I will be alright” I told her letting out a small smile trying to look strong. She hugged me one last time and nodded and headed towards the exit. She knew very well I needed space at the moment.
But I needed Jake. I wanted him so bad but all I get is loneliness. He was so close to me yet he had gone so far. My heart had stopped beating because I couldn’t feel anything anymore. I felt dead from inside out. I ran into the bathroom and just sat under the shower crying, crying away all the tears so that I wouldn’t cry anymore. But the tears never stopped, they just kept flowing along with all the memories surfacing one by one. After what seemed like hours I had stopped crying, my whole body was numb. I couldn’t feel my hands and legs as I was sitting in the bathtub keeping my eyes closed.
I can’t ruin my life; I am not that stupid to break for someone who doesn’t even realize how important they are to me. I handled this before and I can handle this too. I’m not that nerdy teenager anymore whom people feared of befriending. He doesn’t mean anything to me. Jake loves someone else and I can’t change it. But I just want to know why he took that sudden decision and it hurts me more than anything else knowing that he valued beauty more than friendship. I was with him during his difficult times and he considered someone for their beauty. It’s not that I am as beautiful as her or even near her for that matter but I was the one who understood him every time.
This means I am wrong. I never understood him nor did he understand me. I am such a fool to fall in love with someone who merely wanted friendship and nothing else. It was so simple; he loved me as his friend. I was just a reminder of his dead sister and nothing else. I am such an idiot.
I sat on the bed tightly hugging my legs to my chest trying to feel warm. My whole body was feeling like it was being stung by millions of needles and it hurt but the pain I felt within me; the pain caused in my heart and the regret for falling in love hurt me more. It was not his mistake, he never thought of me that way and I was just a fool building a home in my dreams with him.
The ring of the phone became louder bringing me out of my thoughts and I began searching for it and finally found it in my bag which was fallen near the coat hanger.
“Diana, I called you so many times” said the voice on the other end. “Yeah Stacey I was a bit busy” I said diverting further questions. “Listen, I asked Marge about Nottingham offer and she refused it because she knows about the Godzilla. So I am going to tell them that we don’t have anybody available…” “No Stacey, you start the paper work for transferring” I said interrupting her. “But who is going?” she asked in a confused tone.
I took a deep breath as I said “Me”
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P.S: Any Linkin Park fans here? I just love them and also 5SOS :)
I love Ashton!!
