One big...happy...family

The first slice.

No copy right intended, all rights towards Gearbox software and 2ks projects.

It was a scorching and hazardas evening on Pandora, Rakks were present and screeching and the dust was starting to kick up, it's getting dark, nothing to been seen for miles but an arid wasteland and a few broken powerlines across a lonely road, the sun...was setting.

Krieg:
SEVER THE SWEATY ONE!...uggghhh never again bleed clear in the skies open flame!

(Krieg *Inner voice) :
We've been walking for who knows how long, I feel the sun is splitting my skull, Gotta find some shelter or something...

Krieg:
HAHA Slather me,IN LUBRICANT!!?

(Krieg) :
Hey, you still remember that brand of sunblock we loved so much?, The one from Jakobs Cove? I'd kill to have some of that on me, they had so much in supply after a disaster at the cove, wonder if they still make it...

Krieg:
*Groaning*
I can smell the tubey sausages spliced spleen, Hair and stomach succulents...

(Krieg) :
Yeah...I'm kinda worried as to what they put in those tubes...it didn't smell human...

Kriegs facial expression was puzzled as his forehead strained to comprehend the sensation of sunblock.

As the sun dies down the air begins to chill, The heat remains in the tainted sands, Krieg steps onto the cold roads surface.

(Krieg) :
Ugggh, I wish we had a fast travel Staton around here I can feel my legs bleeding from the inside...

Krieg:
Aughhh...Pretty light LIGAMENT MAKER HAHA HA!!!

Krieg points his finger forward in the direction he's walking and pretends to use a fast travel station, he uses his fingers to mimic the lights on the machine.

Krieg:
Floaty friend land pleeeeeaaassse!

Krieg points in the air, towards the flying city of sanctuary.

(Krieg) :
They can't help us, They're up there...I doubt they even know we left Sanctuary,  probably think we're torturing the target practice Marcus gave us again, or getting drunk with Mordecai at Moxx-

Krieg:
*In an agitated growl*
FLOATY FRIEND LAND PLEASE!!!

Krieg pretends to type the coordinates for sanctuary into an imaginary Fast travel station.

Krieg:Haha beep beep boop BEEP BEEEP!

Krieg: Beep beep beep *Repetitive beeps getting faster and faster*BEEEP BEEP BEEEP! BEEEEEEEEEEP BEEEP B-

A moonshot shell has been fired down from the Helios space station miles ahead of Krieg,moments later it seems engines are revving in the distance,it seems bandits are approaching...

(Krieg) :
Get in the sand! Now!

Krieg ran into the desert, trying to sprint but stumbling as if he has a broken bone.

Krieg looks back on the road to see a hoard of bandit technicals and a head hunter, but something wasn't right, Eviscerated entrails, organs, numerous blood splatters and bullet holes were present in each car, wounded bandits layed in the back of the cars on the brink of death, Whats happened?

(Krieg) : That's Cavity, the bandit warlord of these parts, he commands hoards of rippers on these roads, why is he so fr-

Distant voice:
Escape is futile, all will be found and executed, Escape is futile, all will be...*etc.

Cavity:
Scat! Agggghhh Into that tunnel!
NOW! LEAVE THE WOUNDED!

Bandit:*In a worried voice*
But Gary has all my Nudie mags!

Cavity:
Inspire yourself with curvy sand, Get the f#-k into the BLOODY TUNNEL!

The bandits scatter like roaches into the deserts holes and tunnels, it should be safe to speak again.

They abandoned the vehicles with a wounded in the back seat.
Krieg approaches the back and stares demonicly into the backseats occupant until he notices Krieg...

Krieg:
HELLO THERE SWEET SUE!, I'VE COME TO GET YOU HAHAHA!

Krieg makes extreme eye contact, drooling below his mask and giving off extremely cannabalistic vibes, Gary is traumatized!...

Gary the bandit:
WHAT ARE YOU!!?!

Gary won't forget that mask.