𝕥𝕠𝕠 𝕝𝕒𝕥𝕖 • 𝕞.𝕔

chapter 26

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   I sat in my bed, staring at the wall blankly. Pretty much all I had done those past five days. Without any news from Michael, I felt as if I was going crazy. I felt like I was waiting for something that would never come back; I wished, every single night, to watch him go through the door and apologise, but it never happened. I wanted him to be here, and he wouldn't come back.

I felt sort of numb, just waiting, hopelessly thinking that one day, he might come back, bust through the door, and saying, hey, I'm sorry. I'm home now, let's forget about it all.

   But that wasn't what was going to happen, and I knew that.

   I didn't know if he even thought of me; of how I was feeling. I had thought about every possible situation. Maybe he was staying at one of his friends'. Sadly, I only had Amanda's number, and I had asked her a few times if she had seen Michael, and she told me that she hadn't.

Maybe she was lying to me; maybe I just had to go at Ashton's house to find Michael there, but I didn't have the guts. I would most likely get kicked out in two seconds, with him wondering why the hell Michael had gotten a girl as crazy as me pregnant.

   I wasn't crazy, though, or at least, I didn't think I was. I was just waiting. I was sitting here, trying to go on with life normally, but I was sick to the core to know that he was gone. There was this constant lump in my throat, as if I was slowly coming to the realisation that he wouldn't ever come back. I had called him up a thousand times, and he hadn't replied, as if he was cut off the real world. Maybe that was what he needed, but I was getting sick of tired of imagining scenarios of him coming home, and them never, ever happening.

Where was he, for Goodness' sake?

Didn't he want to come home to me?

   I wanted him to see him here, as we used to be. And I was pretty sure that if he came home today, I'd just be angry and disgusted at his attitude. He had promised he wouldn't ever ignore me anymore and that he'd try, but as usual, he had broken me, just like all of the promises that he had made. I was so sad, God, I was devastated and in a state of sorrow I had never known. My every thought revolved around him; because I just didn't know. I was fully ignorant of the state he was in right now, and maybe he was feeling horrible, and he was hiding. How would I have known? The thought of it made me sick to the core.

   He said he'd be here. He had promised.

After a while, I got up from my bed, and gathered enough courage and strength to get dressed. I knew exactly where to go; Ashton was the one who knew the most about Michael and I, and he must've known where the hell Michael was. I was feeling pain in my legs, the baby was getting heavier to carry. I finally finished getting ready, and headed outside. I knew where Ashton lived, and I was sick of waiting for an answer that would never arrive.

•••

   I got off the taxi and paid the driver, and went into Ashton's building. I got into the elevator and waited. The ride to the very top of the building seemed long, too long for me, and I wanted to arrive here, to ask him if he knew something. I was disgusted, and angry of getting ignored constantly. Maybe it was over the top, but I couldn't bear the situation anymore. When I had woken up that day, he was gone, and hadn't come back, and I was worried. So worried it made me sick.

   I finally arrived, and knocked on his door energetically. The adrenaline was rushing through my veins. I knew that he would open the door and call me crazy, but I was past the point of caring.

"Hello," he said, opening the door. His expression was cold. "Oh."

"Do you know where Michael is?" I instantly asked, my voice cracking. I thought I would be ready to fight, and play it aggressive, but I wanted to cry instead. "Tell me where he is, Ashton, if you know. Please."

He shook his head. "Lee, he said you guys were over."

"We are definitely not over. We had a conversation, and I haven't seen him since."

"He is sick of everything!" he replied, throwing his hands up in the air. "Understand!"

"I am worried!" I cried out. "I am worried, because he left, and didn't come back. I know you hate me, and you think I'm using him, but I want to know where he is, and if he's doing okay. Please. I'm begging. I've been going crazy those past few days, because I don't know anything that's going on."

By that time, I was in his flat, the door shut behind us. Maybe he had thought that yelling at each other in the hallway wouldn't be correct, and for once, he was sort of right.

The expression on his face softened. "I'm not sure if I can..."

"Stop talking shit, Ashton, I swear to God, tell me where he is."

"Maybe he doesn't want to see you."

"Are you going to stop being an asshole, once in your God damn life? What did I ever do to you?" I shouted. "Can you tell me what I did? I am in love with your best friend, and you can't accept that? They all do, but you can't, and I don't get why you're being that way, and how much you hate everything I do. I love him, and I am worried, I don't know whether he's okay or not, and I want to know. Fuck you if you think I'm crazy. I don't give a shit."

"Because you are taking him all for yourself!" he yelled. "You are thinking that you own him!"

"I'm sorry?!" I raged. "Excuse me, Ashton? When did I ever say that? I let him do his own thing, I just want him to be by my side for the baby, you absolute cretin!"

He didn't say anything for a while. "I don't know."

"Then, if you don't know, let me just know where the hell he is. You don't have to like me, just try and tolerate the fact that I love him. You can't take that away from me, and I'm really fucking sorry about it."

"He's in his apartment," he finally admitted. I slapped my forehead, realising how stupid I had been. Of course.

"Thank you," I mumbled. "Okay, goodbye, and see you never, since you seem to hate me so much."

"I don't hate you," he finally said. "I don't hate you, I just don't like to see Michael being like that. I am sorry."

I glared at him. "Well, thanks."

"Really."

I stood there, at his door, and just nodded. I then left, willing to go as quickly as possible to find my boyfriend, I hoped in a good state.

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