Don't be Shy ✓

18. waking up

Seb woke up; he was way to warm, snuggled into something that was unusually hard. There shouldn't be hard things lying around in his bed. There should only be a pile of pillows and his comforter. He moved away an inch, but that clearly wasn't the right thing to do. Something locked around his waist and pulled him towards the hard thing again. He blinked his eyes open, waking up from his state of half-sleep, and stiffened. Kaiden. He was lying next to Kaiden. His mind started to spin, reliving what had happened. 

He must have moved around some more, because Kaiden started to wiggle around behind him. Seb's back was touching Kaiden's chest, he had an arm underneath his neck, and one around his waist; they were very close. He couldn't make up his mind; he wasn't sure he was more embarrassed or more content. He was both, but the feelings battled with each other while he lay rigid like a board. 

"You awake?" Kaiden mumbled, squeezing him tighter. Kaiden's morning voice was out-of-this-world amazing. It held this sleepy quality, and it was a bit hoarser than normal.

"Yeah," he squeaked.

"What time is it?" Kaiden asked. Seb looked around the room. The window blinds didn't cover all of the light coming from outside. It had to be morning at least, or noon in worst case. He wasn't sure. He threw his arm out from the warmth and found his cellphone on the night stand. The screen flashed bright as he turned it on.

"10 am," he said. "Shit, I have a ton of messages!" The phone blinked again and again, alerting new messages that came pouring in. He saw one from his dad, and opened it quickly. 

We're in the house. Found an extra pair of shoes. Your mother didn't see, and I managed keep her from your room. What's your plan?

Seb looked at the time; it had been sent one hour ago. Thank god the other's had left, but...

"Shit."

"What's up with the cussing, cutie?" Kaiden said, snugging his face into Seb's neck. Seb closed his eyes, afraid that the moment would end, that it wasn't true. He wanted this every morning; soft touches, tender whispers and the feeling of Kaiden's skin against his body. He didn't think anything could be more perfect. But it wouldn't last; his mother was bound to ruin this, and in a way she already had. He had no idea of how he would sneak Kaiden out, and most importantly, he didn't want to. He didn't want to make Kaiden feel like he should be hidden: as if Seb was afraid or ashamed. 

He realized he hadn't answered Kaiden, when the guy nudged him from behind. "My parents are home..." he replied, leaving it open for interpretation. 

"Let me guess, they don't know you're gay?" Seb didn't know if he was over-thinking stuff, but Kaiden sounded a bit hurt, or at least a little defensive. It put a sour taste on his tongue. He really didn't want it to be like this. He wasn't entirely sure what he should say, but he guessed the truth was the best alternative. 

"My dad knows, but not my mother."

"Okay," came the simple response. Seb felt awful. His chest hurt. He wasn't sure why; if it was shame, or hurt, or fear, but it hurt. 

"I'm sorry Kaiden, but, yeah, I guess I've never had a reason before..."

"So you plan on telling her?"

"Is it very important?"

The room became silent. It wasn't a particularly nice silence, rather it was a thick silence that tasted bad and weighed heavily on top of them. 

With a sigh, Kaiden relaxed behind him. "I can't ask something like that of you, Seb, not yet, so don't worry." This times Kaiden's words sounded sincere and measured: like he truly meant it. The tightness in Seb's chest started to give away. He wouldn't call it relief, because he wasn't sure if he was relieved or not. He wanted to show the world that Kaiden and he dated. Or at least he thought they were. Voicing that thought made him unsure again. Who was he to Kaiden? They didn't know each other, not yet, so he might not be that important. Then again, Kaiden was important to him, so perhaps it didn't matter that they barely knew each other. 

"Seb, hey," Kaiden said, hugging him closer. "Relax, okay? It's not a big deal." 

"But I want to show everyone..." Seb replied, fighting to keep his voice steady. 

"I want to show you to everyone too." Kaiden paused, as if thinking. The room became silent again, but this time it wasn't so bad, it felt okay. Kaiden drew a breath, and continued, "Do you want to be open with it in school?" 

"I can't let my mother know," Seb repeated, biting down on the words to keep himself from crying. Why did it have to be so difficult? Why couldn't he have a normal mother?  

"But other than that?"

"Other than that I'd love to be seen with you?"

"As my boyfriend?" 

There was hope in Kaiden's voice, brittle and beautiful. Seb's heart started to hammer in his chest, and he could feel the beat of Kaiden's against his back, as if their hearts beat with each other, thumping louder and louder to fill the silence. Small tears trailed down Seb's cheeks, but he swiftly pushed them away. It was ridiculous to cry with joy, wasn't it? It was just so emotional. All of it. It was too much, too unbelievable. This couldn't be happening... 

"Yes..." he croaked out, turning around in the bed so that they faced each other. He pressed himself into Kaiden's chest, getting as close as possible to the other boy. Kaiden hugged him close, placing small kisses on Seb's moist eyelids, on his nose, his forehead, cheeks, and lips. "Yes, as your boyfriend," Seb breathed out, before pulling in Kaiden's lips for a sweet kiss. 

Seb would have to think about how to get Kaiden out later. Not now. Not when it felt like this. 

Perfect.