I Wish This Was Fiction(GirlxGirl)

[3]

I sat at our table like usual, however, this time, I was quiet. I slouched down, and slowly picked at my pop-tart. The only thing I ate for lunch-everyday.

There was a moment of silence, another conversation needed to be started.

I cleared my throat, and all eyes were on me. "You guys?" I asked.

"What?" They asked curious. But they weren't concerned about my abnormal behavior. They were just anxious to hear the latest gossip.

"What do you guys think about gays?" I asked slowly, and made sure the table next to me couldn't hear.

Around the table, my friends gave their answers.

"Doesn't bother me."

"They're cool."

Brilee. "Not a problem."

Kitty. "Dude, I fucking love gays!" She smiled.

Carley. "Hate him. they are disgusting as hell."

HER answer was the only one I really, actually cared about. I dropped my pop-tart on the table, and let out a sob, unable to control myself.

"Dana, what's wrong?"

"I'm..gay." I forced a smile, then shrugged. But it wasn't okay.

I looked at their faces for any kind of emotion, but a lot of it was blank.

"Um, yeah." I whispered, then my friend, Kitty, came around to me. Slinging her arm over my shoulder, she whispered in my ear. "I knew."

"And you don't care?" I asked, wiping my tears.

"Darling." She wiped the rest. "I'm bi."

The rest of the table looked at us, and nodded in approval. Except Carley. I took the chance that I'd be different. That she could accept me.

I lost. She can't accept me.

I pushed myself from the table, then walked to the nearest bathroom. I wanted to run, but I couldn't draw anymore attention to myself. Tears were visibly falling, and Charlie, who sat at a different table just watched. I knew she could see them. She just didn't care.

Way to pick your friends, Dana!

I slammed the stall shut, then sunk down to my knees.  I need to do what I usually do in situations like this. I need to lit up a cigarette, let the deadly smoke fill my lungs, and I need to run something sharp against my skin, sit, and watch the blood come out.

It's not like anyone cares right now anyways. I'm done. I don't even care anymore.

"I shouldn't have said anything!" I cried, pressing the palms of my hands into my eyes. "I fucked up!" The harder I cried, the more i hiccuped. "God, I can't do anything right!" I repeatedly smacked the back of my head on the stall door, opening to crack it open, to bleed, and lie lifeless on the bathroom floor. Like I said before, nobody would even care.

Realizing I was getting nowhere, I sighed and wiped away my tears. It'll be as if I never cried. Carley probably won't even give a damn that she upset me. She's done with me.

I walked down the hallway, not bothering to go back to my table.

"Dana! Shit, Dana?" Kitty came up to me, panting.

"What?" I snapped.

"Let's go somewhere."

"Where?" I asked her, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Doesn't matter. It's recces."

"We are way to old for recess." I laughed.

"Maybe, but we can use it as a smoke break." Kitty laughed too. I nodded my head, and she linked her arm through mine.

XxX

"Holy shit, Dana, where'd you and Kit go during lunch?" Brilee ran up to us. I shrugged my shoulders.

"Just somewhere quiet to talk."

Brilee nodded. "Carley wants to talk to you. She had to get to class early, but next hour, she wants you."

"Kay." I nodded slowly.

I sat in my class, not paying attention to anything but my thoughts.

"Dana, you look like hell." A kid, Lewis, nudged my side.

I lifted my heavy head off my desk, then shrugged my shoulders, letting it fall back down quickly.

"You shouldn't smoke." He continued to talk to me.

"I don't smoke." I hissed.

"Yeah right. You didn't smell like that this morning."

"Thanks." I snarled. "Now shut up."

Lewis stayed quiet the rest of class, but I caught him glancing over at me here and there.

XxX

"You wanted to talk." I sat down next to Carley in our last class together.

"Yeah. But I didn't think it would be this hard."

"I didn't think you would actually turn on me." I scoffed.

"I knew you were gay, you lied to my face!"

I let out a loud laugh that vibrated through the room. "Right, because you told everyone your little secret. Even though it affected how many people?" Sure, my tone was high and bitchy, but I didn't care right now. I didn't care that I was about to bring up our biggest secret. One Carley was hoping to forget.

"You never told me you had goddamn lice, and you shared all you shit with me."

I was really lucky there, actually. Not once did I get lice, or even the eggs. I couldn't imagine, but the thought of it ,made me want to vomit.

"That was different, I didn't want you to stop being my friend!"

"I still stayed your friend, even though that was nasty!"

"Being gay is way more nasty. Dana, I'm sorry, but talk to me some other time. Give it a while though. I can't handle this." Carley walked away, and I sat in my desk almost emotionless. I couldn't laugh. I couldn't cry. I stared into space wondering how my life could get any worse right now.

Oh yeah, there's always telling my parents!