Tribulation //RED QUEEN FANFICTION

2: It's okay

The talks are soft and careful. Even more than before. There's no other compliment and no other emotional talk. It's Thomas cracking jokes and Maven just listening or being his usual self and enduring. At least that attitude hasn't changed. Rare times there's a dry remark or a very sarcastic text that makes Thomas snort. Thomas sometimes takes a picture, of him, of things, just anything he wants to share. There's no questions about the tattoos, though he'd need to be blind no to notice. And if Thomas knows anything it's how observant this blue eyes can be. They still talk in the middle of the night. Sometimes Thomas calls. Most times he answer a phone instead.

They don't ever meet. It's probably for the best. The distance makes it easier. It keeps things the way they are. It does not hurt as much. Thomas doesn't want to relive the moment in the cinema, staring at someone so familiar and so far away, wishing regret and pain away. And the jealousy, of course. Whenever he thinks about the look in Maven's face , the way he held his head and his body , as he looked at Mare Barrow, something in him is tied into a hard knot.

He knows he has no right to be jealous. He has no claim. He has no meaning. He was the one who walked over it all.

This is the best he can hope for. He stays in safe distance. And someday maybe there can be something again.

Their relationship is not unlike the way Thomas regards the process of tattooing.

It's a wound that needs time to heal and to create something lasting and steady, something good and whole. And if you mess it up, it is damn permanent.

As long as they don't push and pull at each other as they used to.

He doesn't want to think about the yelling and the hissing snaps. Fighting over something so obscure and stupid it doesn't make any sense in retrospect. Pride and fear got the better of him. They still do.

He can imagine it's not so different for Maven.

Only once does he attempt to actually talk it out.

"Y'know, the day I left," he starts. The words are hard and unfriendly in the warmth of his room." I meant what I said. I meant a few days. But every time I wanted to come back I was scared. Because I knew I wasn't good enough."

There is no answer and for a moment he thinks Maven has just ended the call.

"Can't turn back time, I guess," Thomas continues.

"That does almost sound like an apology," The answer finally comes and makes Thomas laugh in some sort of tickling hurt.

"I try," Thomas says. "Just wanted to get it out. You oughta know."

He gets on Maven's nerves, he's sure.

There's always something he wants to say at night to that boy.

I miss you. I love you. I'm really sorry.

He knows it would not change a thing and so he doesn't say it.

"Can we be...I dunno. Friends and shit?" he offers.

"Friends and shit?" Maven repeats. There's some mock in his voice.

I guess there is some irony in it I offer friendship now when I couldn't deal with it when he called me his best friend.

"Ah, forget it," Thomas whispers, hugging himself.

"No," the voice on the other side says and makes something in Thomas chest flutter. "I don't have many friends. I could use one. So yes. Be my friend."

"Cool."

"Just don't...disappear again."

Hurt slips through. Thomas swallows and grasps the phone hard. For a second he can't breath from the guilt. Then he puts on his best impression and snorts.