A Girl in a Forgetful World

What Changed?

We constantly were at ends,

Bickering about anything that went wrong,

What we said wrong,

What we did wrong,

How we acted wrong.

Wrong, wrong

Wrong!

Nothing was good enough for either of us,

But I just wanted it to end,

I wanted to be done with the fighting...

I wanted my friend back.

You knew more about me than any human being.

I told you my secrets,

My crushes,

My weird hobbies

And you never judged.

Yet...

Something changed.

I don't quite understand what happened.

You were so different when we fought;

You weren't the same person at all.

What changed?

You were meaner,

You were harsher,

You were a monster.

And yet,

Somehow,

in the deepest,

Darkest part of myself...

I forgave.

I forgave all that you did

And I came back,

Only to do this all over again.

One of the biggest fights we ever had,

I promised myself I would let go,

That I would never go back to the

Torture you called friendship.

I was done.

I was leaving,

I was no longer there for you.

I had forgiven you every time,

And left myself to feel the sting.

I told myself I'm better off without you,

That I have better people to fill my life with.

But,

I betrayed my own heart.

For some strange reason,

I gravitate towards you.

I don't understand how I can love you so much

And at the same time,

Let you hurt me so badly.

After I forgave you oncemore,

And hated myself for doing it;

That moment, I regretted everything.

You're a terrible person,

With terrible, torturous words

That tear at my heart

And leave me puking in the sink.

But I still come back.

It's like I'm trapped in a black loop

Of nothingness,

Yet it isn't painless.

I want to rid myself of you,

But my heart won't let me.

I hold on to the memories

Of when we were smiling, happy girls

That had never fought once.

You were so different,

We were so different,

So innocent,

So kind.

And now,

I ask you...

What changed?