So here is my side of the story:
Short version:
My ex manipulated my family into seeing me as a bad guy/whore/danger to them, resulting me in losing my home. I was shortly disowned, spent the holidays without my family for the first time and I'm just learning how to be on my own fully.
All the details:
(Very crappy and not all there)
My relationship:
I was 15, young, dumb and stupid (naïve more like). I was a freshman and he was a senior. 18. Adult. We met in NJROTC. (Navy program in school). He was cool at first. Soon he started to wait for me and walk me to my classes. I saw this as weird and a red flag. He kept doing this, and I felt all the more uncomfortable.
A month later, he asks me out. My head and heart were screaming no. He pressured me. He always told me I was beautiful and unique. He told me he would always be there for me. (Insert cliché Romeo and Juliet lines/charming words here.) Everything an abused, low self-esteemed girl desired to hear. He also told me he won't wait for me, either, after saying he would.
I never was attracted to him. He was a jerk to others (friends as well as exes), talking crap about them behind their backs, used people like he had the right to. I honestly would be surprised if he didn't talk about me in the same way.
He was building up the fear... And my debt to him. All these nice things weren't free. They came with a price: to be his trophy.
At the time, I was struggling because I felt unloved and unneeded by my own family. My parents weren't there because they wanted to live their own life. I wanted someone to love me, to see beauty in me. I also wanted to die at the time. My thinking was: if I'm going to waste my life, at least make myself useful and be a slave to someone who would use me for their gain. (There was some serious abuse/neglect/molestation that happened when I lived with my mom by the neighborhood kids. This didn't help matters. I believed I was trash.)
I grew up with the lies engraved in my head: obey the adults and never, ever say no.
I was stuck...
I said yes.
I was afraid for my safety. He started to get all touchy. I went to my last church and asked for someone to help. The person I went to laughed and said it was my problem. I began to doubt God. (At this point, I've been Christian for about 1 1/2 years).
It got worse. Over the four years we were together, he became more manipulative. He broke me down mentally. If you can do that, that person will be broken for your own taking.
I felt like I was dying. He did nice things so he can tell me I owe him. He added to my debt. I didn't want anything to do with him; I wanted nothing to do with him. Every time I told him I wanted to leave, he would bring up every "good" thing he did, ignored the bad and said I am an unappreciative. He is who Jude is based on.
He pushed me to commit suicide. He told me everything was my fault. And about a year or so into the relationship, I was raped. In his head, he thought it was beautiful mutual moment. I never wanted to be there. Then it became more frequent. It got to the point that I believed if he didn't get what he wanted, I would disappear, lose my life. Just about every day, or every other day, it happened, all against my will. He asked me why I wasn't into it, I answered with "I didn't want to do this in the first place". He got irritated and said I ruined it. Not once was he concerned for me.
No matter how much I reached out, no matter how many (vague) hints I threw, no matter how much I acted strange, no one saw a need to save me. He was the good guy in front of everyone and I was the abusive one. Behind closed doors, he told me how lucky I was that he loved me. He never was patient. He yelled at me many times. Telling me how much I suck.
