Phobia

[Chapter 1]

I walked down the street alone; the constant anxiety I lived with began to build up. I knew I had no other option but to try to ignore it. If I kept thinking I'd panic and if I stopped I'd panic about the remaining distance I had to get back home.

Ambulophobia- Fear of walking

Autophobia- Fear of being alone or of oneself

My mind raced as I tried to figure out which phobia was taking over. Or was it a mix of both? I'm certainly not afraid of walking. Walking alone is a different story. Man, it was cold outside. Did my dad think he was funny making me walk ten blocks to school? He must have. I approached a stop sign and slowed my brisk walk to a painfully slow stride once I spotted a tall guy standing a spot I was bound to walk by.

Xenophobia- Fear of strangers or foreigners

Foreigner as in someone from a different place? Wouldn't that be an alien? Strangers are from different places anyway. I tried distracting myself, but I knew it was useless. In approximately 10 seconds, I would experience an overwhelming sense of vertigo from highly concentrated fear. Damn my weak genes. I almost laughed out loud; I only partially think fears are inherited. Something about the idea that I'm only scared of something because my mom was a wuss about it is hard to believe. When you grow up in solitude, you learn to either fear everything or love everything. In my case, I was gifted with the former.

I debated on holding my breath, but it was too late. Two more steps and I would be so close I could touch him. That almost sounded romantic written down rather than in my head where a raging mess of jumbled thoughts and defense techniques lay.

I focused on passing briskly by him, easily taking in his faded jeans and black hoodie. He had a look on his face that was so practiced I almost thought he meant it, but no one could be that angry just staring into space. Right? He looked like the poster boy for "brooding teen" and I knew I was completely done for the minute he looked at me.

Scopophobia - Fear of being looked at or stared at

Was he looking at me to see if he could win a fight against me? Or was he going to drag me behind an alley and force me to do something I don't want to do? Did I have something in my hair? I breathed hard through my nose and looked down at the ground, avoiding eye contact, avoiding any type of contact or communication. I contemplated running, but he was at least six inches taller than me and looked leaner, too. I forced myself not to choke up and start panicking while passing by him. I felt a hand on my elbow, and then I screamed.

Aphenphosmphobia- Fear of being touched

I don't know all what happened, but I know for sure I fought. I kicked and screamed and cried and punched. So seeing that my efforts were a waste was a little closer to heart shattering than disappointing. I sat up from where I was and looked around. My anxiety level went through the roof. I didn't know where I was or whose house I was in. Why was I even in a house?

Athazagoraphobia- Fear of being forgotten or ignored or forgetting

I immediately got up from the couch and looked around for a door to get outside. What time was it? How long had I been asleep? And what the hell happened? I walked down a beige hallway until I hear unfamiliar voices coming from the room it leads to. I quickly turned around and ran back to the couch when I heard a voice getting closer. I didn't even pretend to be asleep; I was furious and beyond scared. Why couldn't I remember anything after he touched me?

"I have to bring her home. I can't just leave her here," a voice explained impatiently, I assumed it was the boy who grabbed me.

There was a loud sigh followed by a woman's voice, "Just deal with this." A door slammed and my heart raced. My mind was a pile of goo and my stomach felt like it was going to empty itself any second.

Footsteps came toward me from the hardwood flooring in the hallway. There was another door. I could make a run for it and find my way around the house, escape, and be on my way out. But my chances of finding my way out before the boy caught up to me were slim. I took a deep breath and realized I left my pills at home. That's when it all crashed in on me. I was in a stranger's house with an extreme amount of stress and anxiety and nothing to help me. I had never felt so defeated.

"You're awake." It was a statement, but it sounded odd. Like there was no emotion put into it.

I nodded and looked at the boy. He was easily somewhere around six feet tall and had an angular jaw that was hard to ignore. He wasn't bulky, but he was lean. His short brown hair seemed a bit disheveled, unless that was how he wore it, and his dark eyes looked stone cold.

"Good. I'm Jack." He walked towards me and I quickly moved to the other side of the couch, putting it between us. He stopped, startled. His face was a mask of confusion. He shook his head and took another step towards me, "I'm not going to-"

"Stop. Please. Don't come near me." I didn't even try to look brave. I needed to get out of here before my dad found out. Before I began to over think the situation. Before he came too close. Before I panicked.

He smirked and something about it sent a chill down my spine. Not good. Definitely not good. "Through that door there's a hallway leading to a big open room. The exit is on the right."

I balked; confused for a moment at how easily he surrendered the information. I didn't waste time, though. I spun around on my heels and opened the door, pushing myself faster than what would be considered politely through the hallway. I found the big room and sprinted for the door to the right, surprised there was no window to show you the outside.

Pistanthrophobia- Fear of trusting someone

I knew it. I knew I should not have trusted him that easily. I opened the door to find myself standing in a bedroom. I breathed heavily, not looking around to see what was inside. I turned around and started for a different door when I saw the boy, Jack, blocking my way. He kept stepping closer and I kept stepping away, back towards the room.

"Please. Just let me go." I pleaded, my voice sounded so strained, so worn, so me. I found myself close to dry heaving. I didn't cry. I never cried. I only made noises until I could regain control of myself.

"Aw, why? I think we could have some fun." His lips curled into a half smile as I backed up against the wall. He kept coming closer. "You do look quite fun. And innocent," he breathed heavily and stepped so close to me I felt light headed.

Claustrophobia- Fear of confined spaces

"I can't breathe," I whispered, so softly I could barely hear it.

"Neither can I, looking at you." He chuckled lowly and I looked up at him, his dark eyes taking me in completely.

I did the only thing I could think of. I panicked.