We'll Always Have the Dickinson

Chapter Sixteen: Getting My Life Together

I jumped when I heard the sound of knocking on the bathroom door. I opened it to find Josh standing outside. He leaned into hug him but I pushed my hands out stopping him from doing so. I didn't want to be touched by him. I didn't deserve to be held by him not after what I did. Not until I told him what had happened between Emmett and I.

"Don't Josh," I groaned as my head continued to pound. "I'm disgusting."

Josh sighed, nodding. "Look I was worried about you. When Roseanne and Elaine called me, I came as soon as I could."

"I see," I huffed, almost wanting to blame his disappearance for my infidelity. "I called you like ten times yesterday, Josh. You didn't even call me back once."

"I'm sorry. I was in meetings all day, Ethan. I was planning on taking you out to dinner to tell you the big news. But I'm too excited now. I – I did it! I - I got the spot. It's about an hour and half away from here, but it's in a hot location.  According to the man who sold it to me, business is booming. He just wants to retire and needs someone take over. I feel really good about this! And on top of that, I've also been looking for houses over there and I think I found one for the two of us. It even has enough rooms for your kids," Josh grinned taking my hand in his.

I couldn't even smile at him. I was utterly speechless. He hadn't called because he was organizing everything for us. Now I really felt like crap. I couldn't believe I had thought he was cheating on me.

I can't believe I cheated on him. I could feel my heart starting to race as a lump formed in my throat. My chest was burning and I could feel my body turning numb. I think I was going to be sick.

"Ethan – What's wrong?" Josh said taking note of my silence. "It's because it's so far away right? An hour and a half isn't too bad. It'll be shorter without traffic. Ethan – "

"I slept with Emmett," I blurted out like word vomit. "Last night I got drunk and I had sex with him. It was a mistake and I wish I could go back in time and stop myself from ever doing it. "

The smile on Josh's face immediately faded as he stepped back processing what I had just said. I just stood there looking like a complete fool. I didn't know what else to say or what else to do. So I just said the first thing that came to mind.

"I'm sorry, Josh. I'm so sorry. I – I – "

"I'm not surprised," he said cutting me off completely. I couldn't believe those were the first words that came out of his mouth. I couldn't tell if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Did he have such little faith in my fidelity and our relationship?

"You cheated on your wife for god's sake," Josh smirked letting out a sarcastic laugh. "I knew it wouldn't be long before you got tired of me."

"That's not true, Josh," I retorted. "It's not true and you know it. It was a one-time thing. It's never going to happen again."

Josh shook his head, resting his hands on his hip. "Don't say that, Ethan. Don't lie to me because it is going to happen again. There are always going to be hotter men out there and you're going to want to know what it's like. So why don't we just end it now! It's going to end eventually."

He left it as simple as that.

"I don't want to screw around with anyone else, Josh. I forgave you when you slept with Ryan! Joshua! Don't walk away from me," I said following him as he began walking down the hallway.

"You're a hypocrite, Ethan," Josh turned around, raising his voice at me. "A fucking hypocrite! I wish I never got involved with you and your stupid marriage. I'm done, Ethan. I'm done with everything. You should have stuck bt your word the first time you broke up with me!"