I'm Not Okay (I Promise) • Geetrick

50

---Patrick---

Terror.

Another nightmare wakes me up that night. Long, drawn out. This one is worse than the others. It makes my heart pound and my eyelids force open. This one hurts much more.

Megan lets out a scream of terror. Loud, high, desperate. It makes my head snap up with such a speed that I'm surprised it doesn't crack my neck. Before my eyes, I see that Dad has her by her hair and he's thrown her against the wall. Tears streaming from her eyes.

"Dad, stop," I say, getting to my feet and running between him and my sister. He scrunches his nose like I'm just some kind of filth. Just a rock in his road, "Let her go, take it out on me, please."

Megan's trembling behind me, hugging her knees to her chest while her cheeks become wetter and wetter by the second with tears. Tears of fear. Tears of terror, of hopelessness. It kills me inside... It hurts so much.

"You're a faggot, you deserve to watch her hurt." He growls as he slaps me hard, "You deserve to see her die."

My eyes widen in fear as he yanks her up by her hair and throws her against the wall. I try to get up to help her, I try so hard with all my will, but I'm frozen in place. Adrenaline is pulsing through me, raw adrenaline.

Blood is seeping down Megan's nose now, and her face is beginning to look numb, blank. Her eyes growing foggy, her hands going shaky and limp at her sides as Dad continues to throw her against the wall, her head hitting the surface over and over and over again until she's slumped back against the ground.

A lifeless body.

***

"Megan!" I scream. My eyes open and my body jolts up. I can't breathe. I can't think. I can't do anything. I'm freezing up. Her lifeless face is etched into my mind and tears are streaming down my face as I shake uncontrollably.

"Patrick, Baby, hey, shh..." Kevin says beside me. I turn, terrified of what he'll do but as I look it's Gerard, he looks worried, his black hair a tangled mess and it breaks my heart, but Megan is still imprinted in my mind. Megan. Megan. Megan.

"I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry..." I whisper. Megan, Megan, Megan.

"Hey, hey," I wrap my arms around his shoulders and sob into his chest, "It's okay, 'Trick. It's going to be fine. Everything will be fine..."

I can barely focus on anything, though. I feel like Dad's going to take me away at any moment with his dark eyes and alcoholic breath. Those strong hands that have made me bleed and bruise so many times. I can't... I can't breathe. I...

"Patrick, focus on me," He rests my hand on his stomach, "You need to breathe, okay? In, hold, out, hold, okay? With me now."

I feel his stomach rise and I try to match it, I try to catch my breath, but it's so hard to hold when all I want to do is inhale, and it's so hard to inhale in when all I want to do is exhale. I still manage to calm down, though. The feeling of his stomach going up and down in such a rhythmic pattern makes mine match it and the image of her to slowly leave my mind.

He kisses my cheek and presses his forehead to the side of my head, wiping my tears, "What happened? Do you want to talk about it?"

I shake my head, squeezing his hand tightly, I don't realize it until I see him wince and I quickly let go, "What about Dr. Strauss? Do you want me to call her up?"

I hesitate on saying no to that, m-maybe she could help... A little bit...

But no. That's not who I need. I can't. Not now. I just, "I want you..."