Texas Heat

Chapter Six

His scent reached me before he did, enveloping me with an aroma of fresh grass and the smallest amount of sweat. I became internally intoxicated and confused, not knowing whether to continue to fear him or search to breathe in more of him.

“Rhey,” he said, pausing, “Rhea, I know you’re up here.” His footsteps grew nearer, and suddenly he was standing over me, looking at me with pity, and I dared to think, care.

“Go away, please.” I weakly begged, my fear of him growing larger than his towering shadow. I refused to look at him.

Ivan bent down and gently lifted my chin to see me. His mouth opened slightly when he saw my tear-stained face. It was clear he thought I looked a mess. Pushing his hand away, I bent my head down again and struggled to find the words to say.

Ivan broke our silence. “I’m so sorry, Rhea. I had no idea that you found me actually intimidating. It all makes sense to me now, and I was an idiot to not have noticed it earlier.” It was one of the most truthful statements anyone had ever made to me, and I was taken aback by his honesty. His eyes shone bright and clear in the loft’s dimly lit lights, relaying all the more powerfully that he was being sincere.

I made no reply so he continued.

“Please forgive me. I was a jerk and inconsiderate of how you actually felt. I’m not like that, I swear, and I want you to know that.

I smiled meekly back at him. “It’s okay, really. No big deal.” He didn’t buy my nonchalant answer so I opened my mouth to speak again, but quickly decided against it. He knew too much about me already, and our conversation was far too intimate for my liking. But despite my strong urge to run as fast as I could away from Ivan, a small part of me wanted to stay and truly talk to him.

Ivan recognized this, and squeezing my hand, urged me to continue. “You can talk to me. If there’s some reason as to why I make you scared, terrified, nervous, or really anything at all, I want to know.”

I looked at him skeptically.

“I’m serious, really!” Ivan insisted.

“Okay, okay. It’s just that I had a really awful experience before and occasionally you remind me of...” My mouth snapped shut as soon as I realized I was about to admit my darkest secret to him. Why was I about to tell him this? I’ve never told anyone and here I am blurting out the details of my past to a guy. And not just any guy, but Ivan! I’ve literally lost my mind!

“I remind you of what?”

“You remind me of nothing. You’re a little scary, that’s all.”

He stared at me for a bit before speaking. “Did someone hurt you, Rhey. That’s a serious matter, you know that, right?” He stopped for a moment, and I could almost see the gears churning in his head. I forgot to answer as I was too concerned with the possibility of him figuring some of my past. “Did a guy hurt you?” He asked, anger rising in his voice. “I swear to God, Rhea, did any man make you do something you didn’t want to do?”

His questions, although they were mildly cliché, threw me off guard. I wasn’t prepared for this conversation and didn’t expect him to be able to deduce my past so accurately.

“It’s not always that black and white,” I mumbled to myself.

Ivan heard me. “Yes. Yes it is! Did someone hurt you or not? That’s about as black and white as it gets!”

“I know but I don’t want to talk about it. I’m fine. Thank you for your concern, though. I really appreciate it.”

Smiling at him, I could tell he was overcome with countless emotions. I understood immediately what he was feeling: a tangled mess of curiosity of the unknown, disgust for his derived worst case scenario, empathy for me, as a girl, and protectiveness, an emotion all good men feel when situations of this nature arise. He wanted to say so much, but had no idea how to start. It was as if he thought that once he opened his mouth, everything he was thinking would come out all at once and be incomprehensible.