The Question That Questioned Myself
The sound of rain hitting the roof filled my room as I sat in my chair, looking out the window. I could see individual unforgiving rain droplets land on the concrete road in a distorted rhythm. The rain intensified then suddenly died down; stopping completely for a minute, then it would start pouring again. I couldn’t help but compare the rain to my life at the moment: Repetitive and uniform.
I was a broken record on repeat. Every week would go relatively the same. I wake up, go to school, come back home, relax, work on homework, then go to bed, only to repeat the process the next day. It was weird because after I worked hard during the week then was able to take a break, I felt that I wasn’t living. I was pushing through each week in order to get to the next. I was not what I was doing, or honestly, what day it was sometimes. All I knew was that I wanted more than just repetitiveness, even though it seemed like too much to ask.
What did I want exactly? I was, and still am, not sure. What did I want out of my life? I was, and still am, not sure. This would go through my mind often at the end of the day as I tried to fall asleep. I asked myself what I was working towards and what I am preparing myself for. The light at the end of the tunnel had not yet shined.
In my room I had old yearbooks and projects that I kept as I grew up. Reading through them, I remembered how things were different and how I was a kid, not a piece of clay being molded into some unknown figure. I looked through old journals that had my old stories. Stories that were a crystallization of my insane imagination. Drawings of random creatures, castles, and self-portraits. I felt like I was witnessing the early life of someone else because I was growing up too fast and could never feel like I did when I wrote these stories again.
I had to figure out who I was and what I wanted to do. I avoided the future as much as possible because I was intimidated and scared. But I gave in, and like a dam falling apart, I let all the things I avoided to deluge upon me. After lots of thinking, I realized that there is still time to figure out what I wanted to be. And as for who I am, there is only one answer. I am Andre Banerjee. This I believe that we should not strive to know what we will be in life while we are young. Instead, we should live in the moment and let enough time pass to really figure out what we will make of ourselves.
