Apartment Infinity

Douglas in Wonderland

It’s late enough at night that the sky is beginning to lighten as the sun prepares to rise. Doug sits at the dining room table drinking a beer while watching the television.  PU Doug Nine is passed out at the table, his mouth resting on his unfinished beer bottle, keeping his head propped up.

The family of PU Dougs are cuddled up on the mattress with baby Doug. The blaring calypso music from the start of a Girls Gone Wild infomercial provides an apparently pleasing sound track for the sleeping bunch. The three Dougs and the baby smile as they adjust to settle in to their spots.

Having no interest in the censored female form and annoying pitchman, Doug scans the room for the remote control. He spots it lying on PU Doug Six’s lap. He lets out a sigh and heads over to retrieve the remote in defeat.

As if preparing for double Dutch, Doug rocks his hands back and forth, easing up the courage to jump in.  Just before committing to the grab Doug begins to sniff the air and follows the trail of marijuana and nag champa to the closed bathroom door, knowing full well that whatever is going on behind that doors is going to be far more interesting than any potential programming that may be airing at this time in the morning.

He presses against the door and stiffs real deep to reassure himself that his senses aren’t deceiving him. He slowly attempts to turn the doorknob as he leans into the door, “Hello…”

The door opens to reveal PU Doug Eleven the Homeopathic Doctor version of Doug, and PU Doug Twelve, a Shaman version of Doug, amongst several other PU Dougs. PU Doug Twelve is blowing marijuana smoke over a large pot of magic mushroom tea. PU Doug Eleven acts as an interpreter as he explains the journey that everyone is about to go on.

He calmly looks up to greet Doug with, “You’re just in time.”

Doug hesitates as this new element of magic mushroom tea is just slightly out of his comfort zone. “Are you ready to see reality in a whole new light,” PU Doug Eleven asks?

Doug turns to leave only to have his eye land on the television remote laying amongst the family of Dougs. He looks at baby Doug and is far too disturbed by see his adult face on a baby’s body.  He turns back to join the bathroom Dougs in their exploration of reality. He accepts a ladle from the Shaman and takes a big swig of magic mushroom tea, flicking his tongue to try to get rid of the bitter taste.

“Remember to breath and remember you are safe amongst likeminded friends. Friends who you will now be bonded to for eternity,” PU Doug Twelve announces.

Thinking about the impact of this promise, Doug looks around the room at all the different versions of himself, and begins to contemplate eternity. This puts him on edge but he calms quickly the moment he is offered a hit from a blunt. He’s completely calm by the time he exhales the smoke from his first drag.

The bathroom Dougs finish the joint and wait for the magic mushroom tea to kick in. Every attempt to turn this into a recreational experience is quickly squelched  by a combo from PU Doug Eleven and PU Doug Twelve, talking about journeys,  battles with the inner self, letting go and love.

After about a half hour of preparation the giggling begins. These are chuckles that couldn’t be stopped by any tidbit of inspiration. The journey has begun. There’s no more talking required.

Doug studies the peaks and valleys of the lines in his hands. He focuses in to watch microscopic bacteria versions of himself climbing to the top of one of the peaks. These tiny Dougs look down toward the valley of their climb to truly appreciate their accomplishment.

One of the bacteria Dougs looks up to the sky only to see Doug’s giant head looking down. This connection startles both the little Dougs and the big one. He looks around the room at the fun house mirror maze that is his life, everyone giggling to in a harmonious pattern.

He begins to hyperventilate, closes his eyes and begins to breath. This is when the crazy light show begins. The dancing colors and liquid movements ease Doug’s tension as he leans back against the wall fully ready to enjoy the ride. The giggling turns to music then fades away to silence.

Doug opens his eye in search for the reason for the silence to find himself alone in the bathroom without a hint of any of the other Dougs. He checks his hands. All the visual effects are done. He looks shocked and annoyed that his trip is over so quickly, but he looks very confused as to where all the PU Dougs went.

He shrugs his shoulders as he stands to head out to the living room. He opens the door to find he’s alone here as well. All of the clutter from the apartment is gone except for the mattress and the television. “Hello…”

Doug looks around the room with concern. There is no answer, no other Dougs to be seen. “Where is everyone,” Doug asks as he makes his way across the room to the kitchen to retrieve a new beer.  He’s shocked to find that he has twice as much beer as he expected due to the fact there are no other Doug’s freeloading off his stash.

Doug’s jaw drops as he begins to do the math.

To be continued....