Unspoken Questions
What, Where, When. Those are basic questions you usually asked when you are in doubt. If you wanted to prove further, you usually add the question…
How?
Or if you needed further explanation, you asked…
Why?
But what if you weren’t able to voice out those questions?
Or you refused to ask those questions because you are so scared of the answers?
Would you be sitting in one corner and wonder of ‘ what ifs’ and ‘what could have been’?
Would you be haunted by the answers and the difference it would make?
Would you be like me?
It was one timid afternoon after work some time early 2004. I entered an internet shop on the first floor of our office building. It’s only 5PM and it’s too early to go home in my sister’s house where I live alone.
I yawned as I log into MIRC Chat channel, feeling stupid that after chatting in YM for 8 hours, here I am spending an hour or two in MIRC. Surely, a 21-years old like me have better things to do than spend her time chatting. Like dating, barhopping, shopping etc. But I am not interested in those things at the moment.
But, well, I am not really chatting, I got addicted in an MIRC Trivia in a certain MIRC channel. I was happily answering trivias and enjoying the #1 rank when you sent me a PM. It’s not the usual ‘hi, asl pls’ which I normally ignore but your PM caught my attention. I can’t exactly remember what you’ve type but it has something to do with work. It’s somewhat like you are offering me a job or something.
I answered your questions with gusto with a thought at the back of my mind that at last I could now get away with my current job.
At the end, you ask for my email address and after exchanges of email, you ask for my number. I believe that’s where everything started. I forgot how long we have been exchanging text messages. You’re 24 years old and I don’t quite remember if I used to call you Kuya knowing that I am not that respectful.
But one night I was shocked when you texted something but it ended with ‘Bhe’. Although shocked, I manage to reply saying that you sent me a wrong message but you said that it was really meant for me. I was nervous at that time not knowing what to reply to you. I was thinking that my soon to be boss is hitting on me.
I ask why you called me ‘bhe’ and you said that it was because I am your baby and I jokingly replied that since I am your baby then you should have been my father and I should call you Dad. Yes, I flirted with you. I shouldn’t have done that if only I knew what would be the outcome of that flirting. If only I knew. If only I knew that ‘bhe and dad’ would be our endearment.
And since that night, our formal business relationship turned into a flirting and romantic one. I don’t know how it happened and why did I allow myself to indulge into such kind of relationship. I was being playful and flirty. It was not serious on my side since I knew that you’re far away from me and there’s no way that I would be serious in that kind of relationship. Never did I know that I would be falling for you. Falling really hard at that.
Then I have a shock of my life when one day you called me saying that you’re going to my province on the 30th of April and that was 2 days from that day.
Frankly, I don’t know what to do. Would I fetch you from the bus station as what you’ve suggested or would I ignore you and forget everything? I barely slept those two nights.
