Immortal (boy x boy)

Part 1

A/N: Warning, my lovely cookies, this story contains several sensitive subjects, including rape and suicide as well as lots of gore. If you feel triggered by any of these, I don't suggest you read this story. Also, I myself haven't gone through any of this, though I am depressed, so I apologize if I get anything wrong. For those who can, please continue reading.

My life was never one to brag about. I had no friends whatsoever. That might not have been so bad, if I wasn't bullied instead. No matter what I did, it seemed that no one liked me. It wasn't just the guys, either. Even the girls would prank me and make fun of me. Whenever I tried to stand up for myself, the teachers would see only me and I'd get in trouble. They never saw what the others did to me, only what I did. I wasn't a bad kid or anything. I liked learning and always got good grades. If it wasn't for the other students, I would never be in trouble.

As if that wasn't bad enough, my family life wasn't good either. My mom wanted nothing to do with me. If she didn't want to see me or thought I was being bad, she'd lock me in the basement. Sometimes, I'd be in there for days and she would never feed me. And it was always freezing down there with nothing to warm up with. There was literally nothing but dust and spiders down there. Then, my dad would sneak downstairs. He would beat me and rape me, usually both at the same time. He seemed to get excited when he choked me and I clawed at his hands. I guess you could say I had permanent bruises on my body. I was always in pain. 

I would often wonder why I existed. Just to be my dad's punching bag? Just to be bullied for other students at school? To be a laughing stock? Just to be like a pet for my mom, so she could lock me up whenever she wanted? I didn't know. I didn't really care, either. My life sucked and that was all I cared about. The only reason I hadn't already tried to kill myself was one person. Ryosuke Haruki was one of my classmates. He wasn't a friend, not really. But, he was the only person who'd ever given me compliments. He was always so happy, so bright. He lit up my world somewhat, Ishida Takahiro's world.

I tried to talk to him, but I couldn't bring myself to. But, I would say hello to him sometimes or wave at him if I saw him. I did this discreetly, so that the bullies wouldn't see. If they did, they would make his life hell, too. I couldn't have that. So, I'd take the loneliness, because no one else deserved to go through what I was. I wouldn't subject someone else to the same pain just to have a friend. I'm not quite that selfish or needy. Although, I did think about killing myself often. After all, what did I have to live for? More pain and punishment? It was just not worth it to live.

However, he stopped me every time. Not because he knew what I was going through, I couldn't tell anyone that, but because he'd say something kind to me. He'd give me that smile of his and I'd immediately feel better. How could I want to kill myself when he had that smile? I wouldn't get to see it anymore if I died. He hardly knew me, but he took the time to say such nice things to me. I wondered why. What did he see in me that he was so nice? Why did he bother? The people who didn't bully me at school simply ignored me. They acted like I wasn't there and didn't notice when I was pushed around. Why did he see me?

Only, as time went on, it wasn't enough. I couldn't take all the abuse anymore. I figured death was a better bet than this torture. Thinking about Haruki just made me sad. I wanted to be his friend, but I couldn't drag him down with me. It'd be better for him if I wasn't there. Then, he could give that smile to someone who deserved it. I was worthless, just a waste of space. A smile as bright as that should go to someone important. My life meant nothing and my death would mean even less. The question was: could I do it? Could I actually pluck up the courage to end my life? I guess I'd just have to find out.

I stared blankly at the basement walls. There was nothing to do in here, but think. That's all I ever seemed to do anymore. Then again, there was so much to think about. I didn't want to be considered a coward, which people would call me if I committed suicide. But I couldn't see any other choice. I couldn't take this anymore. I was sick of the pain and the loneliness. I was sick of feeling worthless, of being nobody. I just wanted someone to care about, someone who would do anything for me. Someone who would love me, despite everything. But I'd learned that true love didn't exist. In fact, I doubted that any kind of love really existed. 

I looked out the tiny window, gazing at what amount of the sky I could. The moon lit up the world outside, but none of that light reached in here. I could see only a few stars. I wondered if they were waiting for me to join them. Would I find happiness with those stars? Or would it be like this basement? Dark and empty? What was there after you die? Were you simply nothing, or did you go somewhere peaceful? I didn't know. Maybe I'd soon find out. Either way, I'd be completely content with it. Silently, tears slid down my face. I wished it would all end. I wished my life could just be happy, like a normal person's. But, apparently that wasn't my fate. It was all destined to end up like this.