Girls VS. Boys

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Alright, so this is our first ‘book’ called Girls VS. Boys. In this chapter we’re going to take some random relationship questions and compare the answers of the boys and the girls. You should learn how boys interpret things and the different between girls and guys. The interviewer: Bella

Me: Hey guys, today we’re going to be talking about relationships.

Jake: Cool.

Amanda: (smoking, gives me the finger).

Brett: I’m down.

Me: Alright then, first off, what are your opinions on friends with benefits?

Jake: Never works.

Amanda: Only works if the other person if fuck ugly.

Brett: (shrugs) Depends.

Me: Why do you think FWB won’t work?

Jake: (winks) you always end up having feelings for the guy.

Amanda: Are you saying it’s our fucking fault?

Jake: No, but most of the time—

Amanda: Fuck you and your analytical bullshit.

Brett: See, I would fuck her.

This results in Amanda jumping Brett and practically burning him with her cigarette.

Me: Okay there, next question? Longest relationship you’ve ever been in?

Jake: 2 years.

Amanda: 8 weeks.

Brett: 2 days.

(You see, Brett gets a lot of woman, but he has commitment issues. If he stuck with one, he would probably end up cheating on her sorry ass).

Me: What do you personally think of threesomes?

Jake: Are you fucking kidding me?

Amanda: (mimicking me) I personally think that threesomes are degrading to women. (Laughs) BULLSHIT! I’M FUCKING DOWN. RIGHT NOW! YOU (she points at Brett) BELLA, AND ME.

We all stared at her for a couple of moments until she settled the fuck down.

Brett: Well then, this is awkward.

Me: Shutthefuckup, Brett. You always make shit awkward. Alright, next question. If you had to be gay for one celebrity, who would it be?

Jake: Where the fuck do you come up with these?

Amanda: Answer the fucking question.

Jake: Urgh, let’s just say Channing Tatum is PERRRITY hunky.

Brett: Yeah, I’d do ‘em.

Amanda: (shivers) Pretty sure I’d do Anne Hathaway.

Brett: Anne Hathaway is like, fucking forty. You fucking disgusting whore.

(This results in more shouting and punching Brett).

Me: Alright, next, moving on to sex. What turns you on in the bedroom?

Jake: When a girl kisses my neck.

Amanda: When the guy dips himself in Vaseline, and goes down on the floor, pretending he’s a slug.

Brett: You’re a fucking psycho.

(Just to say, Amanda received that thought off of Youtube. She told us after we thought she was a complete crazy bitch).

Me: Moving on, far away from Amanda and her escapades. Do you keep it tidy down there?

Jake: Excuse me?

Amanda: I’m guessing Jake doesn’t. It must be like a freaking jungle.

Brett: (laughs, but doesn’t answer the question).

Me: Legit? Guys, none of you answered. Just say yes or no.

Jake: Yes.

Amanda: Maybe. (the little fucking rebel couldn’t even answer).

Brett: Sometimes.

Me: Fuck you all. One of the last questions: Should guys kiss on the first date?

Jake: Just a peck on the lips.

Amanda: I would do all the way to third base with ‘em.

Brett: Eh, depends on the babe.

Me: What do you look for in a girl?

Jake: Hopefully a vagina.

Amanda: Yeah, I would so too. After all, this question is just kinky to me.

Me: Amanda, you could answer for what you look for in a guy. And Jake, I meant personality.

Jake: Oh, personality... I don’t want her to be a fucking dipshit.

Amanda: I’m only into looks, fuck you and your personality bullshit.

Brett: I want her to laugh at my jokes.

(Brett is a hopeless romantic, and is not funny. At all. No joke, but I think he has fucking problems. He laughs at a joke before he tells it).

Me: Last question: How many people have you slept with in under a week?

Jake: Uhh, Iunno, two?

Amanda: Two.

Brett: If I understand the question directly, I’m guessing around six.

Amanda: Wtf? That’s disgusting.

Brett: Your face is disgusting.

Amanda: That’s not what your dad said.

Jake: You’re both sick.

Me: Okay, shutthefuckup.

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So, that’s the end of episode one. It is indeed a lot like HowBoysThink, but we will be adding more degrading chapters soon, that target either boys or girls. Fan? (We always fan back) Perhaps comment? Vote?