Mikey insisted that Gerard stay the night. "I'll cook." He'd said, "Besides it's dark out."
Gerard had known that the darkness was not the reason he wanted Gerard to stay, he knew this, but he was fine with it. He couldn’t cope with going back to the apartment yet anyway.
So Mikey is fixing dinner and muttering about the economy and Gerard is sitting at one of the bar stools by the island, Rowan cradled awkwardly in his arms. He’s only half listening to Mikey’s bitch fit about cuts and his new boss, most of Gerard’s attention is on the small gurgling body in his arms.
Rowan is small still, she had been premature so Mikey said it was normal for her to be tiny for a while, there’s something about this smallness that touches Gerard.
The baby in his arms doesn’t care that Gerard is a wreck, or an alcoholic or destined to be forever alone, the baby in his arms cares only about the warmth of Gerard’s chest. It makes him smile because he never understood children before, in his mind all they did was consume and scream and there was never the appeal there for him. But now, but now he can see, see how her big amber eyes reflect nothing but hope, she doesn’t know about the world, about people, all she knows is the warmth and love of her mother and family and Gerard doesn’t want this tiny baby in his arms to ever grow up.
“She’s beautiful.” He says to Mikey, and it’s the first time the words have slipped his lips.
Mikey looks over from the chilli on the stove, confused for a second, then he smiles and his eyes crinkle and Gerard doesn’t know the creases on his brother’s face, like he grew up and Gerard didn’t even notice.
“I know.” Mikey says and Gerard thinks he’s going to repeat himself like usual, but he doesn’t because Mikey really does know.
Gerard smiles down at Rowan and she makes a happy sighing sound and shuts her golden eyes.
“You’re so lucky.” He says.
Mikey moves over towards Gerard then and looks down at him sympathetically, and it should be the other way round, Gerard thinks, his little brother shouldn’t be the one to comfort him now.
Mikey’s mouth twitches. “It’s not luck, Gerard.”
And the moment is filled with a brief silence, it’s almost awkward, except for how it can't be, not when it’s just Gerard and Mikey like when they were kids in hand me down clothes and bad haircuts. And Gerard realises that Mikey hasn’t changed, he’s grown up, sure, but Mikey was always a mature kid, he always knew what was best.
Then there are keys in the front door and Alicia swings round into the house, her Black Berry clutched in her hand and a grin on her face. Her eyes zone in on Rowan straight away and she floods into the kitchen, all smiling and motherly.
“Hello, baby.” She says and Gerard stands to pass over the infant. “Oh something smells good.” She chirps, Rowan resting comfortably in her arms
“How was your mom?” Mikey asks.
Alicia makes wide, exasperated eyes before saying. “Oh same as always, says I should get a hair cut, maybe my nails done. Didn’t even ask about the new job or Rowan.”
“You know that’s her love language.” Mikey sighs sympathetically.
Alicia shakes her head. “Oh I don’t know.” She’s more talking to Rowan now. “What are we going to do with her?” Alicia’s voice is high and playful as she giggles at her child.
“Where’s Frank?” She asks suddenly, once she’s sat down on a stool, Rowan over her shoulder
“Some kind of job interview.” Mikey says.
