Lucidity (On Hold)

Tick

Beams of light trickled through the crumbling ceilings of the courthouse. We had fallen asleep in heaps all over the courtroom, I woke up sequestered underneath the judge's stand. My eyes were wide open, but all I could see were patches of red. I tried to gasp and could hardly even breathe. I immediately got up ready to alarm the group before I came to what seemed like an end, but then realized stupidly that I had just fallen asleep face-down in Lorelei's hair. Now desperate not to wake her or create any awkward moments, I kept moving around the stands and towards the rows where everyone else had fallen asleep. 

I was sore pretty much everywhere a person could be sore, had a bit of a limp, and my wounds were still throbbing. I even had a headache from the wine of last night, and now that I think about it, seven hundred years was probably a little bit too old for even the best brands. I still couldn't figure out why I was always the first one up even if I had fallen asleep an hour ago, and decided to just sit down and wait for everyone else to awaken. 

While I sat in one of the rows staring at Elizabeth's long blonde hair, I began to think; 'We're in the Moorestown-Cinnaminson area of New Jersey only just outside Philadelphia, and it has already been what feels like days since we left, and yet we're only this far. The euphoria of last night's 'victory' is wearing off now and I'm feeling hopeless again. But this is an apocalypse, so I suppose I probably should. If I remember right, we only have six months to get all the way to Florida, and to do that we can't be cautiously walking at two miles per hour, waiting endlessly to sneak by threat after threat. We have to literally be running nonstop. We have six months to go, what, two thousand miles through endless jungles, forests, and plains? Didn't we go through a large portion of our ammunition already just after those panthers last night? We won't always be under attack, but we need some kind of defense that will last, and do we even really no what we're doing?... Who do we think we are?!' 

I was pulled out of the thought by Elizabeth staring at me like I was some kind of twisted specter, and I realized that I was out of breath and had been whispering all of this under my breath.

Worried, Elizabeth sat up and talked to me, "Jesus, it's only been a day and you're already losing it?" She gave me a weak smile as her soft wrinkles stretched, "I haven't known you for too long, but I get the feeling you're one of those insomniacs who just lies in bed overthinking, sometimes loving your mind, and sometimes wishing you were free..."

Now I looked at her with concern, "Yes... and do you practice the dark arts?"

She laughed, "No, I just remember the feeling, and I think I might miss it... and still I was the one who changed that about myself, so now I can't go back. How do you feel about it? Do you like the long nights?"

She stared into my eyes for a response; I was always nervous about eye contact, "Well sometimes I like processing my thoughts, and sometimes I feel like I have it in control. But other times I really have no idea what I'm doing and I'm lost inside my own head... I feel like I have so many things on my mind that my body just forces me to do nothing instead... Sometimes I miss dreaming." 

"You're not missing much." She sighed, "Don't try to change, no one's benefiting, and it probably won't work."

"But didn't you change? You said yourself that you changed and haven't gone back." I replied.

"No, I said I can't go back, and while you and me are similar in some ways, we're very different in others. I can't remain constant, and you can hardly change; wrapped up in that mind of yours." 

"It's not impossible, you know..." I said

"Nothing is, but if you were to change now, it'd be a tragedy for us all. I know that things seem really tough, especially when they're overthought, but I believe in everyone here. The thoughts seem bad now, but you'll be the only one that will remember any of this in the end. Whether we live or die, you'll be the one holding on to these memories and philosophies to the very last breath. Just do me a favor and don't worry about it, it's one of those things you shouldn't change, because it's natural." She looked at me as if she knew my soul, I was reminded of my mom.