Forever alive (gxg)

This is the spot; the spot that had held no special meaning until that day. It's actually pretty beautiful here, just like her. The sun shines proudly down on the rich coloured flowers, which are surrounded by deep green grass.

A white lily catches my eye; it symbolizes the pure, innocence and even virginity. Well, it's kind of funny, that this flower is to be found at this place, because she was whether pure, nor innocent; she wasn't even a virgin. I didn't expect her to be even just one of them, because how could she have been? Not with today's disgusting society ruling the world and pushing everyone near madness. If you can't stand up to their standards, you won't be considered valuable apparently. It's impossible to be perfect, but although I know that, she still managed to pop into my mind anytime someone mentions perfection, because she is what I like to call perfect. She was damaged greatly, but I still can't seem able to call her anything else than flawless. I know now, that she had scars on her body, which were considered "ugly" by society, but I think that her body is a masterpiece, which should be worshiped by everyone, who has the privilege to catch a glimpse of it. She is gorgeous. She is nothing like the models promoted on TV and magazines, but I wouldn't want to change a single thing about her.

And then there's a peach coloured ranunculus, which stands for strong attraction and appeal. They remind me of her lips, which are of the same colour, maybe even a little darker and deeper. Oh damn it; don't even get me started on her lips. They were so fucking flawless, too. I can't even count how often the image of her uniquely shaped lips burnt itself on my mind and reminded me of my feelings towards her. I wanted to claim these desirable plump lips as mine, but oh well; I never got the chance to.

Then I spot a red rose in between rank weeds. Now it's getting ridiculous, because, when I think of her, I can't seem to picture her as the stereotyped girl, who loves red roses. But well, I guess, it kind of makes sense for them to be here, because they have thorns and society's thorns cut her deeply and made her bleed. So fucking much blood it must have been, that she lost. I nearly break down laughing at this absurd situation, but instead tears make their way down my abused cheeks. I slapped myself countless times in order to make myself wake up from this nightmare, but nothing happened.

This is real, if I want to believe it or not. Life doesn't care about one's feelings just as reality doesn't. Her friends and family were just like that, too. Either they didn't care or didn't notice her feelings, because they were there and they weren't good ones. Well, isn't that unsuspected? Someone isn't happy to be living like this. Society sure wasn't seeing that coming and now it's too late. I'm not even really sure, what her reasons were for her actions; I'm just assuming here, but maybe I could have changed something.

Maybe I could have prevented this, if I wasn't so struck by her big smile, which she showed only to me and made my day brighter, if I wasn't so much in love with her angelic laugh, which raised me up from my personal hell and saved me from myself, if I wasn't so distracted by her touches, which prevented me from cutting the demons out from under my skin. She saved me from death, so why couldn't I do the same for her? Why am I always failing everyone around me? Why was I robbed from the one person, who kept me from losing faith in humanity and life?

As I'm standing here, leaning onto the railing of the bridge and looking down at the water, the sound of waves crashing against the pillars of said bridge soothing me, everything suddenly makes sense to me. Her special hazel eyes, which I secretly envied her for and which captivated me and never let me go again -Gosh, I couldn't stop staring at them-, weren't shining, because of the happiness, she felt, but because of the unshed tears in them. She probably was afraid of letting go of them in front of everyone, because she couldn't let others think of her as weak, she was always the strong and witty one. She bottled them all up inside her, because of her insecurities.