Drawn Love

Drawn Love-Chapter 11- Am I strong enough?

-I’m not saying it will be easy, I’m saying it will be worth it.

 

Jasper’s P.O.V.

 

When I woke up the next morning it was because Nikolai was talking to someone outside the door. Their voices were hushed and silent, but I could still hear them and it was enough to wake me up.

That and the fact that the bed next to me was empty. I got used to Nikolai’s heat and protective warmth that I couldn’t sleep without it.

So I got up, still feeling like shit. But it was better that what I felt like yesterday.

Slowly, as I heaved my bod into a sitting position, the events from yesterday came to me.

It all hit me like a freight train, but I didn’t stir much, only felt a little remorse, because it felt good. It felt good to break something and let my frustration out. It felt really good to know I had the power to do such a thing, to destroy something just because I could.

And what felt especially good was the fact that I had Nikolai to count on. It felt good to finally have a rock solid anchor to lean on and to help me focus. To give me safety and to protect me from all the shit that was going on in my life.

I didn’t care if it sounded selfish. I didn’t care that my parents would hate me. I didn’t care that I would go to hell.

Fuck, if I needed to sell all my organs and kill seven puppies to be with Nikolai and to have him gaze at me so warmly, I would do it in a heartbeat.

Well, maybe not kill the puppies. Puppies were amazing and they made the world go round.

As my feet touched the plush carpet, I saw that I was in yesterday’s clothes. They were a bit rustled and in some places dusty or dirty, but all over, they were okay. And I looked sort of presentable so I got up from the bed and went to the door.

Nikolai was still talking to the person in front of the door and I could hear now that it was a woman. his mom.

Opening the door to his room, I stepped out, yawning.

I saw that Nikolai was in blue flannel sleeping pants and a black wife beater. As soon as he noticed that I got out of the room, he turned towards me and opened his arms so I could go to him.

And I did. I pressed myself to his side and put my head on his shoulder, murmuring a quiet ‘good morning’ to his mom who smiled at me. She was dressed like a businesswoman and she looked like she wore the role like a second skin.

I saw her as a mother, and now I saw her as a fierce businesswoman and I couldn’t do more than envy her at how amazing she truly was.

“How are you, Jasper?” She asked, he Russian accent a bit prominent.

“Um, good, I guess.” I said.

“I don’t think it’ll be good for you to go to school, malyutka.” Nikolai said and kissed the top of my head.

“I agree with Kolya, Jasper, you should stay home.” His mom said, “I need to go now, I don’t want to be late. You have left-overs from yesterday in the freezer to eat and the fridge is full, so you can make anything you want. But don’t eat too much snacks.”

I couldn’t find it in myself to disagree.

Honestly, I didn’t feel like going through classes and looking at the students in our school for the whole day. I didn’t think I could handle it without breaking down again.