Flaws, Imperfections and All.

Staring.

I watched him pick up the schedule on the counter. He thumbed through quickly as though searching for a particular name. Unconsciously he rested his thumb above his upper lip as he studied the pages. I watched him for another three seconds and looked away, busying myself with collecting the shopping baskets from the register next to me.

"Get a grip Albie," I whispered to myself. I quickly returned the baskets to the front of the store where they were easily accessible to shoppers who only needed to grab a few groceries. 

Jake doesn't see you that way, and he never will. When will you get that into your pathetic little head?  

I walked back to my register. Despite the mental pep talk, I looked his way again.

He was looking at me. Our eyes met for a second. Fudge. I immediately looked away.

Luckily, a customer approached my register. I rushed to my post.

 "Hey Ma'am. How are you doing today?" I said with more enthusiasm than normal. Like ninety percent of the customers that pass through the grocery store, she pretended I didn't exist and moved straight to the EMV to insert her card.

As my hands scanned her items, my eyes strayed yet again to where he was standing. I mentally kicked myself, even though I know it wouldn't help one bit. I counted three seconds and looked away.

"Alright, your total is $139.56".  I said quite loudly to jolt myself out of daydreaming.  "Do you have a discount card you would like to use?" I asked the customer who stared at me like I had just materialized out of nowhere.

It took a second for her mind to register the question. "Oh- oh yes! I always forget to do that. Thank you, dear."  She handed me the card which I scanned and returned with a smile.  I bagged the last of her items and handed her the receipt. "Okay, thank you. You have a good day now. Take care." I said.

The woman nodded her thanks and took off. Apparently, she was the last customer in my lane. Good. Now I can stare at him for another three seconds.  I looked his way to see him coming towards me. Oh, fudge!

I locked my register and walked quickly to the front where we were instructed to stand and guide customers into our checkout lanes. I immediately regretted that because I kind of made it clear that I was trying to avoid him. Well, I was. But I didn't want it to be obvious!

"Albie?" I heard his voice behind me. I was able to stop myself from jumping and exposing the fact I was doggone crazy in reality. I turned around calmly.

"Yes?" He was quite tall, taller than me by an inch or two; so it's easy to stare at his shoulder, neck or shirt without revealing that I couldn't look at him this close without my eyes dilating and giving me away. 

He was silent for a minute. 

Why isn't he talking? I thought. 

I couldn't read his facial expression because my eyes were apparently affixed to a spot on his shirt.

 Oh gosh, his gaze feels so intense.  What is he doing here? Go away. Is he feeling like I am? Struggling to tell me how much he likes me?

 My mind slipped into daydream mode. 

"Albie, do you wanna grab a bite during your break?" says Daydream Jake.  Daydream Me looks into his eyes and smiles with a beautiful gleam in her eyes.

I always daydreamed in the second person, because I knew the likelihood of it ever happening in real life was a zero to a negative infinity.

"We could just go for a walk instead," Daydream me says.

 Cut to the montage where they walk awkwardly with each other for an hour and then he says:

"Do you wanna do this again sometime? Like a real date?"   

Daydream Me just smiles and turns to real me, who is most of the time a huge version of me staring at ant-like daydream versions of how my life could be.

"Well, I wouldn't know. I happen to be a real pussy. I can't even look up at you without hyperventilating!" Daydream me snaps and throws me a dirty look.

With a shake of my head, I snapped back into the present. I could still feel his gaze.

Okay, here goes.

I looked up at him.

He had his eyes on the schedule. He had been staring at that damn schedule all this while. And not at me.

Why did that feel like a blow?

Ahahahaha. Girl, you thought he was staring at silly old you? Grow up.

I felt furious all of a sudden. I felt like punching him. And then kissing him senselessly. 

He looked at me. Then back to the schedule. Then at me. 

"Your break is in five minutes. Turn off your register light."

  With that, he walked away. Ouch.

You stupid stupid girl. Will you ever learn?  Hot guys are not for you. Cute guys are way out of your league. And a boss who is both is off limits. Write that down.

My heart sank. I probably just imagined the whole thing. No, not probably. 

I actually imagined the whole darn situation. 

Intense gaze, yeah right. Struggling with feelings? Oh, don't make me laugh! See how he left immediately after he was done? That's how desperate he was to be as far from you as possible.

  Why would he talk to me longer than he has to? I'm the weirdest human being on earth. For goodness sake, my ex-boyfriend pretended to be gay just so I'd break up with him. 

I turned off the light as ordered and headed to the break room.