Picking Up The Pieces

Picking Up The Pieces (Chapter 1)

Picking Up The Pieces

By: Stacy Leonhardt Gravely & Nichole Harrison

© All Rights Reserved - 2010

Chapter 1

Watching the rolling hills pass by my window, I felt more and more alone the farther I got away from what I used to call home. I was going to be taking a major step back in order to move the girls and myself forward. I had plans but it was going to take some work to set them in motion.

I looked back to see that the girls were beginning to stir we had been in the moving truck driving for some time now. "Dad we should get lunch for the girls and for you."

"Yeah I suppose you're right we still have a little ways ahead of us." He mentioned as he glanced at the clock.

God, how those words burned my ears 'a little ways' when I really knew it was more than just a little. Finally pulling into a little drive up dinner out off of route 29 we ordered some odds and ends for Sommer and Riley, something for my dad, and I was of course not hungry at all. Who would be on a day like today?

Food on board and back on the road, I turned on the radio to drown out some of my own thoughts. There was nothing that could have prepared me for this turn of events, everything in me said that it was wrong and I should go back. Why go back to a man that doesn't want to be in love with me anymore? He loves me alright sat there and watched me walk out the door with his daughters in tow, not saying a word. I'm sure there are going to be fights to come because after all he did mention the "D" word. I dare not say it in front of the children they may not know what's going on at this moment in time but I will not say divorce so that their little ears burn with worry and sadness. I glance back once again my thoughts burning a hole in my heart and see those two beautiful little faces, their mousy brown hair, and I know when they open their eyes, all I will see Mike inside there. They have his intense baby blue eyes that just melt you when they are sad, and sorrowful.

I want to be able to protect them from all the things in this world that are evil and wrong. Things that are not supposed to happen to families like ours, or at least I wish it had not happened. One day they will fall in love and God help them, to remain that way. Because I'm here to tell you that it hurts like hell having to fall out of love with someone, convincing the children that everything will be okay, and that no matter what, their daddy will never stop loving them.

I was resting my head back against the seat trying to even out my breathing when I heard little Riley "Mommy I'm hungry, and thirsty." I smiled to myself knowing she would be the first to wake and ask for something to eat. That's my baby and I know her best.

"Okay, Ry what would you like to eat? We have fries and nuggets."

"Nuggets!!" Always my nugget girl they could live on nuggets and hot dogs alone. It always amazed me how simple children are or can be at times. Why as adults do we have to be so complicated? So hard to follow and analyze?

Parts of me want to go back and smack Mike in the face and tell him to wake the hell up this is real life you can't just write us off and keep on going. But there was no turning back once I walked out that door, what about our babies?

Keeping true to his word, he was not in love with me anymore and no amount of fighting could make me change his mind. Believe you me I tried with all of my might to get him to see the brighter side of things and just work it out with me. Once I thought better of it I got on the phone with a few friends of mine and my parents and told them that "Lyndsey was coming home!"

That being said, I was not happy about going back home to live with mom and dad until I could get on my feet, but I really had no other options with the short notice I had. I didn't want to be stuck living with someone that was no longer "In love" with me. Fighting in front of the girls and all the crap chute that came with it. It was a lose, lose situation no matter how I sliced the bread, after all leaving was what was best for the girls and myself even though I hated to admit it.

I can however look on and say that it's going to be fun getting back to some of my old hometown friends seeing what they have been up to since I got out. Maybe I'll even have sometime to rediscover my youth, go out a bit, and just suck up being single as new and complicated as that will be, after seven years with one man. I owed it to my girls to suck it up.

We had been driving for what seemed like days in this cramped moving van that smelt like a boys locker room after a Friday night football game. All of the sudden we drove past Harper's Grove Creek where we all went swimming in the summer, or went to make out after the high school socials. I knew passing that mile stone from my childhood we were getting close to home. It felt weird calling this home once again, a place that I never wanted to come back to after getting out. Once you get out you never wanted to come back unless it was for a small visit.

Sommer was sitting up in her seat looking out the window "Is this where we are going to live?"

"Well sort of actually we're going to take a drive through this small town up here and Nana and Pops live just on the other side." The look on her face made me want to crawl onto the floor into a fetal position and beg for this to be a dream. Riley was her happy little self jabbering away about what she was going to do as soon as we got there. I really needed to pee and I think dad had, had enough of us all to be honest.

Driving through town if you blinked you'd missed it and before I knew it were pulling into the driveway of my childhood home. Mom was waiting on the front porch for all of us, she came running to the truck yelling, "My girls have finally made it home." She was about the only one happy about us moving in with her and dad. Their house sat on about an acre of land, and older, dusty farm house with great handy wood work done on the outside. It was a burnt red color with black shutters a wrap around front porch and a medium sized barn in the back for dad's things. I used to love that barn playing around in there with tools and trinkets I'm sure I could show the girls a thing or two back there. For now it was time to unpack, having fun and playing games would have to wait.

I sent the girls in the house with my mom as dad and I started to unload the moving truck. I caught him giving me a sideways stare, "I'm sorry dad, for imposing on you and mom but what choice did I have?" He said nothing and just kept walking toward the house taking the box he was carrying up to my old room. They had more than enough room in this old house with 4 bedrooms the girls and I all had our own even if we didn't occupy them. I knew that I would have to store most of my stuff in the barn because I would have no use for a kitchen table right now. I had so much stuff I didn't even realize that it took us most of the afternoon to unload everything, find a place for it and then begin to unpack. I wouldn't allow my children to live out of boxes, everything should have a place and since this was to be home for the time being, we found a place for everything.

By 8 that night I was exhausted, deflated, and down right bitter. My feet hurt, hell my whole body hurt and all I wanted to do was relax in a bath. I still had to bathe the girls, and get them to bed before I could even concentrate on myself. However while I was getting their pajamas picked out for after washing, I heard mom come into the room behind me. "How are you holding up honey?"

"Actually mom I feel like crap right now and I just want to take a bath and go to bed." I sighed heavily as I turned to face her.

"Well why don't I hurry the girls along and give them a bath, and then you can follow?" She offered as she placed her hands on her hips.

"That would be really nice mom..but...." She stopped me with a wave of her hand and was gone before I could even finish my thought. I fell back on to Sommer's bed with their pajamas in hand just staring at the ceiling still reeling in my mind how in the hell I ended up here.

Moments later my mom was yelling my name "I'm coming mom..."

"The bathroom is yours, just bring me their clothes." As I did so she pushed me into the bathroom. I took my clothes off, filled up the tub to the brim with the hottest water I could possibly stand and hopped in. My body instantly relaxed, my mind stopped working for just a moment as I took in the aroma of the bubbles, lavender. I didn't want to think, feel, wonder... NOTHING. I just wanted to sit in this water and be here alone forgetting the events of the most horrendous day of my life as it seems.

After awhile my skin started to prune and I was ready to hit the sheets. I hopped out of the tub to dry off. Before heading to my room, I checked in on the girls they were both sound asleep in their bunk beds peaceful until the morning. I entered my room laid down on my bed staring at the ceiling, I finally let out what I had been holding in all day; the sobs took over me. I cried myself to sleep tonight, for the first time since everything had happened and I can't promise it will be the last.