Dear Trust

Dear Trust,

You are probably getting bored with me by now. I guess it's not really fair that I never introduce you to anybody that I meet. It's not that I don't know how to introduce you, it's that I honestly don't want to. Your too fragile for the people I know, they would just break you.

I don't know why I'm so scared to let you meet the people I choose to surround my self with on a daily basis. I see how eager they are to meet you, but I always find an excuse on why they can't. To be honest I'm not even sure if I really understand why I'm so protective of you myself. Maybe it's because I understand how cruel and mean people can really be. Or maybe it's just because I've been lied to so many times. With each lie that was told to me you would be injured and you would take months to recover. I can't even begin to explain what it's like to watch you in pain as you recover. It's as though I'm hollow. There's nothing left in me to care because when I allow myself to care I become vulnerable, and when I'm vulnerable I can be hurt but more importantly you and your sister, Hope, can be hurt.

I was going to tell you this a few days ago but I guess I just forgot, Hope stopped by and said hello. It was great I haven't seen her in such a long time. She changed since I last saw her, she was a lot more mature. But she only stayed for a few short nights, then she left again. Even though it was only for a little bit I would take those few night over nothing any day. Those few nights are what made me realize I needed to apologize to Time.

I remember how easy it was to bring you to school with me and show you to all of my friends. I would tell them the stupidest things like how I had an extra bag of goldfish for math in my backpack, I was really happy then, life just seemed so simple. You weren't really that big of a deal then. From what I could understand there was no reason for me to be protective of you. But when a few years past by I realized why you were such a big deal, and why I couldn't carelessly hand you out to just anyone. I never really understood why people wanted you so much. I'd like to believe that it's because people care about me and want to get to know me more but there's still a part of me that thinks that it's too good to be true.

It was nice when all it took to convince me to let someone meet you was their pinky wrapped around mine. I haven't done that in a really long time. But I'm ok with that, I think. I just feel that if I don't really depend on something, like a pinky promise, that I won't be as disappointed when I'm let down. I don't know how many times you can be lost to others until I've lost you myself. Sometimes I think that I already started to loose you, and honestly the thought really scares me.

I never fully understood how important you really are. You are more than just a stupid bag of goldfish, and two pinkies wrapped around each other isn't enough to symbolize how much you mean. It takes me months, sometimes even years, to let people know you. It only takes them seconds to hurt, miss use, and break you. With out you life is kind of like a painting that was still wet and got smudged, it can be painted over once it drys but the smudged paint will always be underneath and there's nothing we can do about it.

Lies stole almost every feeling I have. He found away to steel the happiness that still remained after all that's happened. But the worst part is that he stole all of the bad feelings too. I don't even feel anger anymore, I try to but it's extremely difficult. I'm not really sad anymore either, I've tried to let myself cry, but no tears would come out. I don't know how to put it into words. I just feel like I'm taking up space, going through the same boring routines everyday not caring about anything really. The only thing that Lies left is Fear. Fear never bothers me when it comes to death, the thought of death doesn't scare me anymore. But Fear takes every chance she gets to make Life look bad. She reminds me how many horrible things have happened and how they aren't going to stop. It bothers me so much how she can make such a good thing seem so bad and a bad thing seem so good. The only thing that bothers me more is how Lies has the power to make that possible.

I hope that with time I will learn how to properly balance protecting you and giving you away. I really just don't want to loose you because a world with out you would be pretty scary place.

Sincerely,

Someone that wouldn't want to see you leave.

A.N.

I worked pretty hard on this so it would mean a lot if nobody would in anyway copy thins. I hope you liked it! It would be awesome if you guys would comeent what you think. Thanks for reading :) oh and if you love me you would vote and comments because it's my birthday :p ok bye :)