You Give Me Hope

Mother's Day Guilt

Hey! Sorry it took so long! Life got in the way :( And sorry this one is kinda bad... and super short but i hope you enjoy! :)

Mother’s Day Guilt

Do you still want to go to the concert tonight? Your mom won't care?

I looked down at the text and smiled as I placed my Mother’s Day card on the checkout counter. Shaking my head, I quickly replied to my girlfriends text.

No. My mom knows that we had these tickets for months. She won't care, I promise.

I closed my phone and placed it in my back pocket. 

My mom really wouldn't care if I made it to her house tonight for Mother’s Day or not. Every year, I spent it with her and with my other four siblings. I'm sure she wouldn't mind if she was missing one. Besides, it's not like I wasn't getting her anything. I'm getting her card right now and Karen and I will drop it off before we go to the concert.

"Would you like a bag for this, sir?" the young cashier asked me as she held up my card.

"No thanks." I said as I pulled out my wallet.

She smiled at me, "Looks like everyone is buying last minute Mothers Day gifts. May I recommend some freshly cut roses? They were always my mom’s favorite."

I shook my head, annoyed that she was just trying to make a quick sale. "I'll pass, but why don't you get your mother some since she's so fond of them."

The cashier pursed her lips together almost as if she wanted to say something back, but couldn't. 

Finally she said, "Okay, then that'll be $4.23," she handed me my card. I quickly handed her a five dollar bill. "And .77 cents is your change. Have a nice day."

I nodded to the cashier, took my change and made my way out of the store.

As I stepped out, the cool breeze hit me. I ran my hand through my short brown hair and made my way to the small wooden bench next to the store entrance. I placed my card next to me and reached into my pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes.

My mom always hated the fact that I smoked, but what could she do? She was always more preoccupied with everyone else in the house to even notice that I started smoking at fourteen. She didn't find out until two years later. Even at the age of twenty six, my mom still doesn't care enough to convince me to stop.

I took a small drag of the cigarette as I looked across the street at the local graveyard. With the town being so cramped, everything was placed so close together. Just on this street you have the local grocery store, bowling alley, hospital, and graveyard. 

Just then, the grocery stores automatic doors opened and the same cashier walked out with a bouquet of roses in hand. I half expected her to walk to one of the parked cars on the side of the road, but when she crossed the street with ease, I sat up. Curiously, I watched her as she walked through the graveyard entrance. She slowly moved through the rows of headstones until she stopped at one and knelt down.

As I watched her place the bouquet next to the headstone, my heart dropped. I didn't need to go over there to understand that she was placing those flowers on her mom's grave. Here this girl was, still celebrating Mother's Day with her mom despite the fact that she died. 

I suddenly felt like a piece of shit. 

How could I ditch my mom for a concert? I should be celebrating the one day a year dedicated to the woman who brought me into this world. It was selfish. I was being selfish. 

I looked down at my Mother’s Day gift and suddenly I was more ashamed of myself. What was I thinking? 

Suddenly all the memories of my mom flooded back to me. The day my mom taught me how to ride a bike, when she took a day off work when I was sick with the flu, every Christmas morning when id wake up to presents under the tree because of her and her two jobs, the day she cried on my graduation because the "baby" of the family is finally starting his life. 

All those memories reminded me why this day was so special and why it meant so much to the checkout girl. All she had was her mother’s memories. Whereas I could go home to her right now.

Which is exactly what I was going to do. I quickly took out my phone and texted Karen.

On second thought, let's go to my mom's tonight. I really want to see her :) 

I pressed send and picked up my Mother’s Day card. Before I left, I went back into that grocery store and bought a bouquet of roses because my mom deserves them.

Every mother deserves flowers and the ongoing love of that checkout girl taught me that. 

Her ability to love her mom forever gives me hope.