The Loved and The Lost Poems

Words on Paper

"Words don’t always form

In the right ways

Well not for me

For I write the words of my soul

I do not dare speak

The words will only simmer down

To create letters that do not explain

The real purpose for my words

I want to explain the world to you

Begin to end

What hurts

What angers thy self 

Why I have chosen to smile

I want to be able to talk

But not just with words

With feeling and emotion

For it may distract another 

But concern you

Words don’t form

In my mouth

Like smiles form upon it

Or frowns

I hesitate before every word

Worried I might

Miss some important feature

Frustrate someone who is of importance

I also avoid talking

Afraid I may say too much

That might confuse you

Or something beyond comprehension

That only I 

can develop in my brain

I stand there

Jaw clenched

Waiting for words to fall out

“Never mind.”

Is what gently crawls across my tongue

What I meant to say

Was much more than a simple poem

It would be a story

Filled with love, kindness, but also

The breaking of a heart

I write thy words on paper

So I may examine things beforehand

So I may erase

Things that I have decided against

Just know, 

that I have much news to tell you 

Good news, full of wonder and love

Bad news, full of despair and tears

Just know,

That when I am deep in thought

I am trying to figure out 

Thy correct words for thee

So you may feast upon 

Great ideas

And my hearts desire

Just know, 

I regret everything

I couldn’t say

Hoping maybe next time, 

Next time

Things can arrange better

I wish that thou could understand

It is not purposeful

My pauses

And changes of topic

But only

Safety to you

That I thought 

you needed

But it was really only me

Who needed safety

I get scared of you knowing too much

Will you be afraid again?

Will you change then? 

What will you think of me?

I thought I was finally engaging

In real conversations

But then I failed again

Mumbling and murmuring

Because if I was really getting somewhere 

Then why am I writing on paper, 

And not talking to you?

Because everything i write,

But do not dare speak

Are nothing more

Than empty words on paper.”