Sometimes

Chapter thirty-three

Aiden wasn’t in English the next day.  Part of me was glad, but only because he was sure to ask about last night.  I wasn’t quite sure how I was supposed to explain that I wasn’t going out with Sonny.  To be honest, I didn’t really want to go there today.  Although I’d let me feelings for Sonny go, I still felt a bit raw.  It wasn’t the easiest of things to come to terms with the fact that the guy you’ve been crushing on for a long while doesn’t like you back.  But friends was better than nothing, and I wasn’t going to let the feelings I’d had stop us from getting along.

    I got on with my work in peace.  I’d answered the first few bullet points with quick notes, making it easier for myself to write the essay later, when I suddenly realised that it was strange not having someone trying to distract me from my work.  I almost missed the constant chatter that Aiden provided.  It was as I tried to answer the third bullet point that I felt a strange stirring sensation in my gut.  The void inside me seemed to have closed up almost completely after I’d left the café with Sonny and now I was wondering whether it was opening up again.  No-one in the class seemed to notice as I rubbed my side as if I had a stitch.  Everyone seemed to be getting on with their work today and I guessed it was probably the impending exams that was frightening them into concentrating.  I poised my pen above my half-filled notebook but no answers came to mind.  Why would the void be opening up again?  It was nagging me.  I couldn’t pay attention to what I was supposed to be doing.  Why would it?  I’m practically over Sonny.  Sure, it was going to take time to be completely over him, but what did sitting in English have to do with him?  Confusion stunned me into jotting down notes to the questions we’d be set, but only half of my mind was on work.  The other half was being nagged to death by the feeling in my stomach.

   The only nagging feeling left in my stomach by lunch time was hunger.  I’d managed to complete all of the work set by Mr. Lloyd and now my thoughts were on finding somewhere to sit in the almost overflowing lunch room.  The smell of greasy food was suffocating as I navigated my way past giggling girls and boys who looked eager to shove as much food down their throats as possible.  My eyes were on the back of the room where, even though everyone else seemed to be piled on top of each other for room, Lara was sitting alone.  I felt myself hesitating.  The whole thing with the Haunted Vegas sticker on her book was still bothering me.  I didn’t know why.  It was only a book, and if it happened to be Aiden’s then so what?  It didn’t mean they were dating.  I didn’t know why the idea of them together made my stomach squeeze and my head spin, but I pushed the sensation away when I saw Lara waving me over.

    “We meet again.” 

She was beaming up at me when I reached the chair next to her.  I sank down into it with a sigh before pulling my sandwiches from my bag.  A raisin flew out with them and I felt a smile tugging at my lips.  Lara took it that the smile was for her and brushed the lone raisin to the ground with the rest of the discarded lunch. I watched it fall to the floor before looking back up at her.

    “Still not talking to Cassie then?”

I shrugged.  “I hope you don’t think I’m using you.”

She shook her head hard as she bit into an apple.  “Not at all.  I mean, we’re friends, right?”

   “Course,” I replied.

   “Then you’re not using me,” she said.  “Besides, I like having lunch with you.  And you could say I’m using you, now that I no longer sit with Mike and the football team.”

I heard a little bit of sadness in her voice and shifted in my chair uneasily.  I didn’t know if I was in the best of moods to be comforting.  It still seemed like I needed a little comforting myself.