All About Agnus

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"What's her sign? Do you know her favorite place to eat at every Wednesday night? I hope her big toe isn't too big." These questions and one solo statement were murmured to my friend in the mirror. We always came to each other for girl problems; but the problem was that there were no girls to have any problems with. There was one fortunate exception. It was AGNUS. My muse, his weakness. She was beautiful on the outside. We had not an idea of what should be done. We always liked the same things: pizza, jack daniels, and pepperoni pizza. Never a girl. Aggy caused us pain and suffering. But mainly a burning sensation when we peed. We fought like children, did not speak for months. I kept my eye on him, I was insatiably jealous. I knew he would win her heart. The sight of them two was insufferable. On the other hand, I was being slightly dramatic. Never even spoke a word to this girl, but my outside perspective was mesmerizing. I know we had the most romantic connection from afar.

Days went on, never saw her or the guy in the mirror again. I figured they ran off together. I was distraught and felt like love would never exist again. It was a warm rainy day in September; I finally came to my senses. I was fucking crazy. #savagesonly

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