The Rider's Truth.

Pacify.

Unedited. 

Chapter 19 - Pacify

Sorry didn't have the desired effect. Usually the word was enough to pacify people, or at least defuse a situation somewhat and this was the perfect time for it to work. That, or a bomb disposal squad to handle the tempers that were about to blow.

 I fought  in the pits of my self-loathing, trying to keep back the tide of pure emotional shite that had been collecting inside of me with no way of escaping. Keeping a secret had been rotting my insides and now that rot had been exposed for all of them to see.

While the others were struggling to comprehend what the feck was going on, Abner had settled on one feeling. One comfortable for him.

Anger.

"What did they do to you?" He snarled.

Nikki's tear-filled eyes flicked towards her partner, the corners of her normally smiling mouth curling down into a grimace. She settled a hand down on his arm softly.

"Abner, please..."

He shook her hand off in his rage, his neck a chord of muscle while red swept up his neck in a path of rage. "No! I want to know what the fuck has happened to my daughter!"

I managed a wane smile. 'Parental concern...so strange.' If this had been my mother, she would have scolded me for becoming so ugly, so deformed when I already had so little going for me. I cupped my elbows, locking my arms to my chest and watched them argue.

His tone had dropped, thankfully and he had pivoted towards Nikki as if trying to shield from me the fact that he was arguing with her. Her hand had settled on his arm again, holding that burn-scarred limb without disgust. She whispered something to him, eyes darting back and forth between the both of us.

It seemed to be a long moment before he gave a terse nod and turned back to me. I could see the lingering anger in his aged face, stuck in the crevices of frown lines and the hard set of his mouth.

"Do not apologise to us." The viciousness had seeped from his voice.

I barely had time to reach up and grab his wrists in panic before he was clumsily brushing the tears from my cheeks – like I had just scrapped a knee after falling off my bike. It made my smile flicker, and I wondered if my father still thought of me as the tiny child he remembered before fire had destroyed his life.

Eyes, just like mine, pitched while he looked over me. "You're not weak, so I do not want you to say it or even think it again."

I wanted to wholly believe in the authority of his tone. I wanted to trust in Abner's word like I had last year because he was my trainer and he knew things I didn't but now doubt lingered and was strengthened by memories of times that I could have done more and should have done more.

I had stood up to Amon and to Acheron many times, but there were other times when I cowered from a blow, or begged to be left alone, to be let free.  I did stupid things -  I wasn't a brave woman who stood defiant in the face of adversity. I wanted comfort and warmth;  safety and joy. I was just a girl who was thrust into something dark and dangerous and that refused to let go of me.

 I was always afraid and I hated myself for it.

"Life isn't like that, human." Nethore said solemnly. "Everybody gets afraid."

Abner pressed his thumb against my chin affectionately for a moment. "Let's get you inside and cleaned up. How does that sound?"

"You know I like anything involving the word 'clean'. You're already setting me up for agreement."