This Isn't Closure

This Isn't Closure:

 They told me coming back here would make me feel better. That maybe I would be given closure, as if just revisiting an old memory would change everything. I'd like to say that they were right, that suddenly the world was lifted from my shoulders, releasing me from my hunched-back position. I'd like to say that, though I would never forget him, I would be able to move on and live my life.

There were too many things I'd like to say. So many things that I wished I'd said . . .

For no reason, known to me at least, I followed their advice. I came alone. The drive seemed longer than the ten minutes it used to be. We used to think that the ten minutes were so short, and were amazed by how much the scenery changed in that short distance from the city to the country. Only ten minutes. Today it was hours, the roads extended, never letting me catch up with it. The road started to run away faster and faster, I was about to give up.

Then I saw it. I didn't- I couldn't- remember how I used to feel when I wittnessed the entrance. I thought maybe I had been excited? This time the only emotion that filled me was dread. It took a tight grip on my stomach and yanked, pulling my gut through the depths of the earth.

I felt weightless as I glided along the fimilar path. I was flying through a dream, not moving but being pulled along. Snap shots of unruly plants and over-grown bushes that cried out, just asking to be cut back into shape flew past me. I recognised them, but before I could identify where from it was replaced with another. They switched more frequently, until there were no more images left and one was left frozen in place.

I closed my eyes and I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

But nothing happened. Opening my eyes I saw the scene hadn't changed at all. I frowned. How could it be so unaffected? My entire life had been crumbling around me in these last few months, but the clearing had remained in one piece. As if nothing mattered, that not even the most monumental loss could damage it. The grass was still light green, with it's usual dried yellow patches, the surrounding trees blooming pink and white. I leaned my head against the tree trunk behind me and slid down, with my head resting on my knees.

While my life had come to a stop, nature's had thrived.

I tried to remember the many days I had spent here with him, but the memories don't feel like my own. It was like watching a movie, seeing everything from someone else's point of view. It was so impersonal. All I could remember was us laughing. We used to sit right here, right where I was sitting and we would talk for hours, just in each others company. I dug so deep inside myself, trying to find the emotion, but I came up blank.

I felt so empty.

The memory of his laughter filled my ears. The flashback threw itself at me with worrying force, hurtling me back in time.

"I love you, you know." His smooth melodic voice had sliced the silence.

I smiled up at him, "Really?"

"Always." His soft lips touched my forehead.

"Forever?" I had asked him, grinning cheekily.

"Longer."

As a knee-jerk reaction I searched beside me, looking for him, waiting to feel his comforting touch. I'd never been here alone before. The reminder that he wasn't here hit me like a bus. I'd been stabbed, right in the heart, but it didn't matter. It wasn't like I could feel it, I was numb.

Oh God. I'm so alone. I thought to myself. My eyes clenched against the tears of loneliness threatening to roll free. You said you'd always be here for me. You lied.

There was no one else here. Just me, sitting in front of this tree. This healthy, content, strong tree. The silence pressed hard against my ears, the pressure was building up. Slowly but surely. It just kept closing in.

Too much. It was all just too much.

'*'   '*'   '*'

Thanks for reading! I know it's short . . . but that's the point of a short story, right? Please, if you spot any mistakes or anything you feel I could improve on, just give me a shout. It'd be appreciated. This is the first thing I've posted, so don't be too harsh . . . or do. I want to improve my writing. :)

Oh, and this story is finsihed for now. I may come back later and add more to it, start a new story for this character but for now it's just a one-shot :) 

Comment, vote, fan :) x

P.S. Dedicated to TheShadedLife for the awsome cover!