homeland burning

tired

you don't know tired
till you make coffee out of your own tears
because he
isn't around to make it for you anymore

you don't know tired
till you're sitting in an empty shell of a room
moving van outside like a ghost

you don't know tired
till there are spirit mice gnawing on your bones
because your skin has collapsed in on itself

you don't know tired
till you have solved 245 triangles for all its angles and sides
and still don't know how to pay taxes
or ace an interview
or name any constellations

and
you still don't know how to make
one fucking coffee
taste the same
as when he made it