Forever isn't Enough

Chapter 3 - Hesitation

October 10, 2013

My alarm was going crazy... It was Achmed the Dead Terrorist's voice saying.

"Hellooo? Wake up or I'll Kill You!"

It was annoying. I didn't get enough sleep. I couldn't sleep. She was on my mind the whole night that I forgot what sleep was.

I checked my phone, set off the alarm. Looked at the time...

4:30am

I knew I had to wake up, but my body was refusing to get up. I hate to wake up early. School sucks, why don't we have like noon classes? I hate not having enough sleep, but I think It was worth it.

I got up, went straight to the bathroom and looked at my face on the mirror.

"Damn, I'm really really... ugly" then I tried to smile infront of the mirror. "Damn, ang pangit ko parin."

I tried to fix my annoying bird's nest hair "Damn, ang pangit ko parin kahit anong gawin ko, pano ako magugustuhan ng mga babae neto? Pano ako magiging crush ni Lauren e ang panget ko?"

My brother, Matt knocked furiously on the door and said

"Hoy manahimik ka diyan maligo ka na anong oras na oh! Maliligo pa ko!!"

I laughed and turned on the shower

"Oo teka lang, five minutes, five minutes"

I spent 20 minutes staring on the floor while letting the water from the shower hit my head and my body.

I was still thinking about her, I can't get her out of my mind.

Am I being crazy?

I ate my breakfast, waited for the bus to arrive and put on my earphones.

I hopped on the bus when It arrived and I slept.

School was really annoying, I want to rest but I have to attend classes.

I mean I should study. If I want to be handsome, I should study. If I want Lauren to like me, I should study. If I want to be with Lauren, I should study. If I want to rich, I should study.

I attended classes and those were my motivations.

I told everything that happened yesterday to my best buddy, Chase.

Chase was suspicious, It was as If I commited a crime.

He looked at me and said "Tangina bro, bakit ka sinama ni Jas? Patay tayo diyan pre gwapo ka panaman, baka may crush na sayo yon??"

Funny joke, chase, funny joke.

I scratched my head and said "Hala parang timang to oh, Gwapo daw, baka ako yung may crush sakanya?" My tounge slipped. I mentioned having a crush on Lauren, I'm stupid, really really stupid.

He laughed and said "What the fuck bro hahahahahaha gagi kala ko siya may crush sayo, Ikaw pala hahahahahaha. Pero sila ni Jasper diba? Wala kang pag asa dun pare, hanggang crush ka nalang."

"Wala kang pag asa dun pare" "Hanggang crush ka nalang" "Hindi ka niya crush pare" "Wala siyang gusto sayo" "Sila ni Jasper" "Wala ka ng magagawa"

Those words echoed my mind, It sucks to have a crush on someone who you don't have a chance on.

I felt bad just thinking about it. I know that I don't have a chance on her, but... I can't accept it. I guess I have to accept that I don't stand a chance. She's Jasper's M.U anyway so, yeah.

I slept half of the day during classes, Chase woke me up and told me that It's lunch time already.

We went to our usual place, the Library. We were there talking about anything with some of our friends and laughing our asses off. Jasper was talking about Lauren, I can't help myself, but I was really jealous. He talked shit about her like really nasty ones, I got the urge to punch him in the face and tell him "The fuck bro? Wala ka bang respeto sa M.U mo? Para kang tanga eh" but I didn't want to cause any trouble.

I'm just... a stranger to her.

School ended and I got back home.

I checked my WeChat, still no PM's from Eve. I want to tell her that I give up, but I can't. I'm waiting for her to PM me first. Whatever, I don't care anymore.

I ate my dinner, I did my homeworks and shit. All that's left is to check my Facebook, and my Twitter.

I checked my facebook first... "Oh, let's see... hmm? Walang messages? Grabe shet sikat talaga ako. Wala din notifications? Dami talagang fans, grabe. Oooops, Sino kaya tong nag add sakin?"

I clicked on the friend request button, saw the person who added me and jumped like an idiot.

I shouted "YES!!! YES!!! YESS!!!! YESSSSSS!!! WOOO WOOO WOOO!!! YESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!"

My little sister Kate, started to get annoyed and shouted "Huy! Ang ingay mo!"

Lauren Alexia... Lauren... Lauren added me! I can't explain how happy I was that she remembered my name!

I accepted her friend request.

Saw her on the chat window and clicked on her name.

I typed "Hi." but I couldn't send it.

I hesitated,

I'm not shy but...

I just can't send it.

I don't want her to think that I'm FC.

I hesitated..

She followed me on twitter too, and I accepted her request. I followed her too.

I read her tweets, I saw his bio. It has Jasper's initials on it. "{  j.e.f.r <3 }"

Damn, it hurted me like a bitch.

I went back to facebook and my pending personal message to her

I didn't send it, I hesitated. I closed the window and turned off my laptop.

It really really sucks to like someone who you can't be with.

It's hard to accept reality.

I'm not gonna be the person that she loves...