Rose Mattie's Life: A Transsexual Female

At a dark night of April 15th, the same day and month wherein Leonardo Da Vinci was born, was a child born.  The birth of this heaven's gift was a parent's joy indeed,but little do they know the hell that accompanies it.

They named the child "Radz Matthew" ,  and the latter has been added for the child born was deemed to be "God's gift" as the name in Hebrew and Greek denotes. A gift for the child born was a premature, one who was laid on an incubator for a month, one who has a dreadful condition. But a parent's love is always exemplified, having the innocent babe, their own blood and flesh, in their life.

However, this child was not they thought to be what it is but rather, as it appears in their eyes they deemed it safe and suffice to know what is there to know based on the flesh, having been seen it with their very sight.

The child grew and passed onto life's reality, having seen the world,it understood the new things known and assimilates those yet to understand.

Here comes the dysphoria in the child's identity, it knows who it is but it's kept hidden for its sake and others. As early as it knew, it is wise to have defense for acceptance, a  social one, for no one understands and hence, none would concur.

The dicrimination seen in others and the hate-filled-disgusts to those who are like it made it think of to deny itself so as to avoid the pain of those ill-fellows.

But as times stretches itself to the child's stature's obvious change, it has been a distress that made it to ask and pray, "let me be sever to this flesh or heal what it is in err" for no choice has been offered except these two.

It is inevitable to come out when the problem is unbearable and to say good bye, when hope is void for to see your own flesh every time is to see your life that it must over.

' Mom; Dad, " I am your first-born Daughter." At age 18, this child stepped out of her closet and opened up for help and true acceptance.

She failed but did not stop for she insists her identity and it's real, both modern science and psycholgy tell her so. At last, at an attempt to passed away, they understood finally but offered no help but an advice that she thinks suffice. " We can't give a medical help out of destitution" and she understood.

The time she came to know that 'Jesus', it really made her to have hope but before that even happened, she first had thought of that piety is a way of defense and of life, that is, of gaining favor with God and men.Such is a life of confusion not of the self but of the others.

But to hide and to abide in such a lie is only masking the problem.It only made matters worse than better. I am real female and "I must stand with that; no more 'for them'  but let it be "for me" on this time because it is not them in pain but rather,it's me.

Ages and ages as it seems, to depart and to be with Christ I think is much, much better but the call to live for others stays a goal of divine origin. Who can resists this grace he has given? No one. I chose not to for his Spirit bears witness to me. But this gender dysphoria that I have is a reality that I can't resists for I didn't even choose it.

So,she wishes in the end, to be affirmed as she is, Ms. Brown and none other. It might sound a wishful thinking but truth is always existing, and the truth is that I am my parent's first-born daughter.