Hello, I'm fireymage and you are about to read my "the failings of wattbooks" in the style of AhmedH, who I consider to have the best one. Not only will this cover the topics in his, but some others that are not always quite as noticable. After that ill offer a list so you can easily tell what i am talking about. Enjoy and if your offended, go deal with it, or fix your story(s).
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hi my name is bethany Patrick Pedro pantalonas paublo calzone, and I'm am teh new kid at skool. I have no friends As I am n3w and m vry emo! One day as I was walking home from skuul (LOLOLOLROFLCOPTER I SPELLED IT COOL <(•_•)>) admirng my wasome iPod whilisr liatening to Stricken by Disturbed (best band ever go listen to so u know) I suddenly realizes my motorola envy 12 64 gigahurtez phone was missing. I had all my photo that I took with it 300 mega pixel power shot camera with HD screen. So I had to trudge back to skoul.
When I arrived I saw like 1637 celebrities and a vampires. I know they were vampires because they were using umbrellAs on a sunny d4y. All the vampires killed the celebrities as I watched thiNkng "like OMG their all super hot" then they kidnapped me.
(www.YouTube.com/video/wfshs23vsj.scary_music_song you need to go listen to it.)
Then we ran into werewolves who totally ate them and stuff and then my mom popped out saying I was going to marry the vampire prince.
The werewolves got p1223d and left and then I snapped at my mom calling her a stupid bitch. Then all the sudden I was transported to Cullen island were I meet the Cullens who promptly died after doing the funky chicken (OH NO I LOVES THOSE GUYS <3).
Then I was eaten by vampire pronce and lived happily every after while I had an affair.
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ok that almost made my stop writing it now here's the lost of what you never. Ever. Should do.
1. Replacing numbers for letters (ie new becomes n3w become becomes b3c0m32) it's stupid, informal, and makes it nigh impossible to understand you.
2. Mispelling words (now>nao, school>skool/skuul) it's stops the flow of a book and makes people want to not read it. Every bloody computer has a word processer so use it and SPELL CHECK.
3. Arranged marriages first off the topic has been beaten to death, second if you have an arranged marriage your not going to fall inlove instantly, especially in the modern age, finally ARRANGED MARRIAGES ARE NOT "COOL" in an arranged marriage the woman can be treated like dirt, beaten, etc because she is property. Every year arranged marriages happen sometimes even in the states and Europe and they all are bad, in the middle east recently immegrqnts to America from there are tricked into coming back to the middle east to get married, normally women. (on a side note they are always purely for gaining power nothing else).
4. Vampires, ok first off vampires are ridiculously horrible creatures designed to kill and eat humans, they are not romantic in anyway, in canon they are often WOMANIZERS, twilight has no fucking idea what they are, the author was just trying to be original, stop ripping her off. This topic is beaten to death as well as the fact that all vampires are supposedly supermodels. Everyone I want you to look up nosferatu right now. They are the strong fast ones, thier just more like a beast as well as ugly. Aristocratic vampires are good looking but are weak but have hypnotic powers. Stop mixing and matching.
4. Werewolves, they only turn into wolves at night and have no control. Nuff said
5. Emo> nobody corectly potrays them, they are weak, dependant, sad, dramatic, and passive. They are all these things otherwise thier GOTH ok ?
5 authors note but it at the bloody end- ruins fluidity, ie being able to be read for 10 chapters straight.
6 songs to listen to-see above
7 lyrics- putting them down in your work is technically illegal so don't unless they are 100% yours
8 details about outfit or object. Nobody cares, just give a brief description unless it's 100% vital to the plot.
9 random characters (mom) don't throw them in- see #5
10 rape/affairs not cool don't put them in unless it's an integral plot point.
11 super. Long
Spacing- don't make your book look longer it just leaves us feeling unsatisfied
End note: some very good wattbooks have been writen containing all of the above, but the context the provide (like SMS messaging for the stuff like b-cas and n3w) makes it make sense. Don't just throw it in frivolously, it ruins the "mojo".
