Holiday Stress

Tis the holiday season, and people are rushed. To-do lists are endless,  phones ping party reminders,  and you need to bake 8 dozen macaroons for the neighborhood cookie exchange. There are gifts to wrap, open houses to attend, special meals to prepare and families to visit.  But if you are depressed or struggling,  the holiday hustle and bustle isn’t just busy;  it’s overwhelming.  There are effective ways to cope with your feelings during the holidays,  but they require honesty and a willingness to mix things up a bit.

The holiday season isn’t simply a time of celebration.  It is also a season of perpetual busyness and endless (sometimes forced) effervescence which begins right after Halloween and doesn’t let up until New Year’s.  That’s a long stretch of merry making for anyone suffering from depression, struggling with an addiction,  grappling with the loss of a loved one or healing from a broken heart. Sometimes,  the holidays simply aren’t that happy.  

If the holidays are difficult, take heart.  You are not alone.  Despite what television and advertisements would have us believe (families gathered around the fire in matching pajamas, sipping hot cocoa, scrapbooking all the reasons they love each other),  the holidays aren’t always all happiness and light.  Many of us would love to zip right through October all the way till January (or maybe June, when it’s nice and warm outside).  It would be a sweet relief for many to escape the commercialism, prickly relatives, annoying parties, itchy holiday sweaters, over spending, and general emotional upheaval the holidays often bring.  

If you are clinically depressed, it’s easy to believe everyone else is happy during the holidays. Everyone may look like they’re running a smooth holiday marathon when you can hardly floss your teeth. But that simply isn’t true.  Depression is a tricky little imp.  It makes things appear more difficult than they are, and twists your thoughts into a jumbled mess. 

Just when you think you’re ready to tackle any small task,  wrap a few gifts, bake some cookies, depression will talk you right back down into its black grasp.  What began as a tiny spark will be promptly extinguished as your mind runs off like an untamed horse.  What will you do with the stack of cards that need to go to the post office by 5? Where did grandma’s cookie recipe go? How can you come up with another Elf on the Shelf’s idea before morning? 

When the list of holiday “shoulds” and “musts” becomes so long it sucks the energy and life blood clear out of you, it’s time to pare back your list and strategize. Stat. Your mental health is of far greater importance than flocking the tree or whipping up a batch of holiday pomegranate margaritas. (Although if the latter sound good, by all means,  feel free.) 

When you feel yourself wavering this holiday season,  stop.  Take a time out.  Call a good, trustworthy friend.  Take a bath or get some exercise (both,  preferably).  Give yourself permission to cry,  feel bad,  get angry and hate everything having to do with the holidays.  Make an appointment with a therapist or your pastor.  Go completely Grinch for a while. (Just don’t steal anything or get too mean.)  Breathe,  pray,  write or draw in your journal (even if it’s only a few measly scribbles). Take a nap. Rinse and repeat.  

Here is the most important step of all.  When you wake up,  look at yourself in  the mirror and remind yourself of the biggest, most vital truth you will ever know.  You may not believe it right now, but you must stop and say these words out loud, with your mouth,  vibrate your vocal cords and hear the words until your brain registers their truth.  

You are beautiful.  Every hair on your head,  every pore on your skin, every square inch on your body was fearfully and wonderfully made.  Nothing about you was, is or ever will be a mistake. No matter how awful you feel today,  you will feel better.  You are strong.  Stronger than you can ever imagine.  

No matter how we dress and decorate the windows of our lives,  each and every one of us suffers from some degree of holiday angst this time of year.  If you suffer from clinical depression,  the holidays are an especially difficult time of emotional pain and stress.  

So during the holidays, treat yourself with tenderness,  kindness and patience.  Do not beat yourself up over things that don’t matter.  Come to think of it, don’t beat yourself up about anything.  Ever. You are worth every ounce of kindness,  peace, hope, joy and love the holiday season has engendered in the entire world.   Ever. Just for you.  

Give that gift to yourself.  The gift of knowing that you will find peace,  even if you don’t have it today.  Know that loving yourself as you are,  right now,  is one important key to feeling better.  Have hope that tomorrow is a new day,  full of possibility.  And remember that there is always joy in living,  no matter how bleak things may seem today.

“I don’t think of all the misery but of the beauty that still remains.”

Anne Frank

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