Diary of Nameless citizen Prisoner (holocaust fiction)

Diary of Prisoner 4935-N

Mother Jewish Prisoner 4935-N

We had just arrived at the entrance of another camp where the angry fat SS guards stood glaring at us as we trudged through the thick snow. I gripped my youngest daughters hand, the only familiar thing that I had left. 

My husband and me along with one of my children had been separated from each other at the cattle cars, but I still had Caroline but along with her came the old fear: do not lose her too. I looked up and saw the tall chimneys spewing ash from their smoke stacks. But I was too used to it to even notice. 

Caroline had pulled on my sleeve asking me when we could have a rest. I told her soon we could rest and eat and all would be well, but even at her young age I knew that what she heard was a lie. He once plump face had become frail and shadowed like all of the rest of the prisoners. Her once vibrant daughter now a skeleton of her former self. 

We started further into the camp the SS officers directing us towards the showers. I pulled Caroline closer getting us in line behind all the hundreds of others. I started looking around seeing the sick, the dying, and the dead.

I looked further down, closer to the showers and the closest barracks and saw a girl lying in the snow next to a pile of bodies. Her head lulled onto her bony protruding shoulders and her hair flew wildly around her face as more icy wind whipped our faces. I continued to watch her as she struggled trying to stand or move or anything but she seemed in a daze rubbing her temples and shaking her head vigorously. After a while we had moved closer to her and we moved up in the line which was going much faster than usual. We now stood right next to her. I quickly looked around for any SS officers that were looking this way, fortunately they were busy with the people in the shower rooms so I went over to the girl. 

I somehow felt like I was responsible for her, I didn't know why, it didn't make sense, I just felt drawn to her my maternal instincts kicking in. I went over and shook her gently trying to wake her. The stench of the bodies beside her now was awful and I could barely stand it so I covered my nose with my hand trying to leave behind the smell of death. 

I looked down again at the girl and shook her slowly but there was no response. I put my fingers down to her neck feeling for a pulse but I couldn't feel a thing. I felt a wetness on my cheek and realized that I had started to cry. I should be used to this by now! I thought, but this one girl, there was something different about her. I looked down at the corpse again and turned her over so I could see the face of the girl that had touched my soul. And I started to scream.

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I couldn't believe this, this wasn't real she was still alive, she had to be! I looked down through the tears and brushed the stray hairs off of her face and leaned down and kissed her on her cheek holding her cold hand against my chest.

I realized then that she had been holding something there. I opened her hand and saw the locket that I had given her all those years ago. More tears appeared in my eyes falling uncontrollably.

SS men started over towards me swarming bashing and shouting at me to stop, but for the first time I fought back. I screamed more and more as they dragged me away from my two babies, my precious babies.

"CAROLINE!"

I shouted. She looked up and fear filled her small eyes

"Mommy!"

she cried her hands balling into tiny fists as she realized what was happening.

"I love..."

I as cut off as an SS officer put his ash covered hand over my mouth muffling me. They dragged me father into the camp towards another shower room. And they brought me up to the front quickly asking the guards if they had "started yet" since when does it matter? I thought. They quickly brought me inside then and I saw the crowded mass of naked bodies. My clothes had been torn off as well leaving us all standing in the room freezing, waiting. My body shaking with anger and fear. I found my daughter after so many months apart wasted away.

Then I heard a noise, breaking me away from my thoughts. A chemical smell came into the room nauseating and putrid. Everyone looked at each other in panic. This was definitely not the showers. Everyone slowly started to realize that something was wrong and then there were cries of terror. People all around were slowly sinking towards the ground holding their throats. Gasps filled the room, I myself felt my labored breathing and then my lungs started to fill with fluid. I started choking and I heard my breath gurgle. My mind was going fuzzy as less and less air made its way into my body. I became very tired and the air was now completely gone.

Everyone else appeared to be sleeping so I laid my head down gasping trying to get away from the toxic gas. I clutched the leather pouch close to my chest. Praying for this to be a nightmare hoping I would wake up any moment.

Then that was it.

I couldn't see, breath, feel, think all there was was black.