Paper Stars

Chapter 18

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Book 2

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“Science may have found a cure for most evils; but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all―

the apathy of human beings.”

― Helen Keller

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18

Garden Hose

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-Part One-

Nothing & Everything

(A note from the narrator:

These are the last pages of Benjamin’s journal that I have in my possession. I do not know what happened to the rest; perhaps scattered to the wind, perhaps thrown into the pile with all the other things that were left behind.)  

September 5th, 1944           

It’s been one hundred and twenty-two days. One hundred and twenty-two days since I first came here and slept in this attic and lived and loved with these people that I now call my family. Time slips by and has its way with me, stringing me along with broken promises of better days. I follow because even a broken promise is better than nothing at all, and perhaps there’s still something whole behind all the fractures. After this, it feels as though there must be. Being as happy as I am now, I believe that the promises can be repaired. Perhaps there will still be cracks, but time does that to you sometimes, and all you can do is pick up the pieces and learn to be glad as you fit them back together. I’ve found that there is no use in being sad when things fall apart, because nothing is ever permanent. And it’s funny how something as simple as mattering to someone can make you feel so incredibly whole.

We finished the peir pier yesterday: I can scarcely believe we did it. The lot of us spent half the summer on it, but it’s finally over and done. I’ve never seen the real one in Santa Monica myself, but I’m sure ours looks just as good (if not better), and perhaps I’ll see it someday. I really hope I will. Sara and I started the second wall, as well: decided on the field behind the house. We thought it was fitting—you know, having our present and our future right next to one another.

Also, Sara’s birthday is next month: October 7th. I’ve started on a few presents, but they’re turning out very shoddy. This whole gift-making buisness business busines has become frustrating beyond belief—trying to properly express love through ordinary things is difficult for me. I owe her so much. Even though it’s hard to tell from my terrible spelling, she’s been helping me get better. In so many more ways than just that.

           

Uncle let me write a letter back to Daniel this week. There honestly wasn’t enough paper in the world to tell him everything I wanted to, but I tried my best. Sara almost got a hold of it; thank God she didn’t, for some things ought to be said in person instead of in a sloppy letter. Not to say that I will ever be able to tell her. I want to make myself clear, but it’s complicated for me. I’m still learning to be brave, and I think I have a very long way left to go.