Shattered (Continuation of: The Chase) ▹ Ashton Irwin

Chapter Seventeen

My favorite way to wake up in the mornings is obvious. It's in a different bed than mine, in a little apartment near downtown Las Vegas. My favorite way to wake up in the morning is at a later time than usual, with the sheets warm and his arm draped over me. I loved the way my eyes would open slowly, and instantly look at him as he was still sound asleep. I would scoot closer to him, and breathe in that scent of Ashton mixed with the sheets that smelled like laundry detegent. Whether I woke up next to Ashton after a night of doing reckless shit together, or if it was after a night of staying in and watching a movie and cuddling...this will always be my favorite way to wake up.

But, this morning...was the complete opposite. It was probably the worst way I could ever wake up.

Not only was I not next to Ashton, but it was 6:00 in the morning, it was dark, it was cold, my head hurt, my eyelids were heavy, and I had a raging ache in the pit of my stomach. I couldn't even get out of bed for a solid 10 minutes, with the shame I felt from what I did last night weighing me down. I felt like an idiot, like a bitch, and like a liar.

It's true, I was a liar, and I promise-breaker. I can perfectly remember when Ashton had told me that he never wants me to do that again. And by 'that', I mean getting drunk by myself at 2:00 in the morning because I couldn't sleep and I felt like getting shit-faced. Now that I think about it, it's a silly and stupid thing to do. But, I did it...and even though it felt great and relaxing last night, it felt terrible the next morning.

I finally got up out of bed, and sulked over to the mirror. I braced myself for the worse, but even then it wasn't enough. I was truely shocked to look at myself, and I instantly focused on the red in my eyes, the bags underneath, and the unsteady swaying I did. Back and fourth my body slightly shook, and I felt dizzier than ever. "Shit." I muttered to myself, looking around. I didn't know what to do now, considering I look like I live on the streets and do nothing but drink. I looked like I was tired, shameful, and distraut with myself. All of those things, were exactly how I felt.

As I walked to my closet to find something to wear, my shallow heart began to pound. What...the actual fuck... am I going to tell Ashton? I broke a promise to him, and I felt like crap because of it. I know, I wasn't thinking last night and I could have easily taken the medicine he bought me...but I didn't. It scares me to think of how he would react if I told him. Would he be mad? Would we get in another argument? I hated that; when we were genuinely angry at each other only about 2 days ago. It was a sucky feeling, almost as sucky as the feeling I had right now. But I can't lie to him anymore, can I?

"Of course not." I said aloud. That would be an even more of a low thing to do. I don't want to tell him that I practically swam in a pool of beer and shame only about 4 hours ago, because I've promised him once before I would never do it again. But now that this said 'promise' is broken, what do I do?

Maybe he won't even notice. I thought. Yeah..maybe he won't. Maybe if I cover it up with makeup and act as cheery as I usually do, he won't even notice. I don't necessarily have to bring up the concept myself...right?

With that plan in my mind, I pushed out the guilt I felt in my stomach and walked into my bathroom after getting dressed. I quickly found some make up that I have either bought or taken from my mom, and started with my face. I put on a coat of powder, trying my best to make it look natural yet cover up the darkness it had to it. My skin was droopy and it lacked a lot of color this morning, and I could only guess as to why. Then, with my eyes, I put on some concealer over the dark bags and tried my best to make my eyeliner light, yet heavy enough to cover up how tired I looked. After about 10 minutes of dilligence, I finished with a sigh and was pretty satisfied with how it turned out; I didn't look like a freak anymore.