Diary of Me (Finding Myself)

Entry 5

April 14, 2014

Hello Diary.

It seems that God isn't done with the bad yet for me. Everything until now has been fine... I hung out with my friends yesterday, we went out and ate, then went to my house after to film for a school project. After that we went into my hot tub. It was really fun and nice for me to finally feel like nothing was wrong... But that all changed. You see, my female friend stayed over last night after the two guys left. We got to school and everything was fine. But now, it seems like it isn't. At lunch our friend had me and her split a cookie, then he gave one to our other friend and she took it, so I did what I always do. I tapped her arm lightly and said "Be nice,". Normally I get a playful glare in response, or she will lightly smack me too. But today she full out smacked me, you could hear it plus it hurt, then told me I was a mean and horrid person and moved away from me. I - being the over emotional girl I have been lately - got into a fight kind of mode and said, "So I lightly hit you and I am mean and horrible, but you smack me to where there will be a mark and that is fine? Yea, that's nice." Then got up and left so I could be irritated elsewhere. We had gym next so I sat in the locker room, then changed and went into the gym to wait for class. After I asked his she was mad and she said no, then got up ran away and left. I am suposed to be staying with her tonight, so I asked if I still could and got a sure... Why does God seem to take away all the good things and make my life so much more difficult... I don't understand what I did to deserve this... Maybe I am not supposed to be around people, maybe I am supposed to be lonely for the rest of my life. It doesn't help in my home either that my mom lost her job now too... And my uncle is in the hospital. Why does all the bad have to happen at once? I missed my period this month too... I know what it could mean and I kind of hope it is that, I would love to have a baby.... But at the same time I hope it isn't because I know I am not ready for a baby, not yet. I don't know what to do or think, to many things are going on right now... That is all for now, night Diary.