Mona Vanderwaal's Diaries: Radley Sanitarium

The first 100 days

Radley Sanitarium, day 1

So I got committed after a breakdown. I’ve always known I was different from other people and that I needed some kind of treatment but I never thought I’d end up in a mental hospital. But in a sick way I actually feel like I belong here. I’ve hurt too many people and I know I need treatment. I have to hide this from others though, it’s no secret that I love hiding under a layer of superficial bitch. The liars know it and Lucas has seen it happen. I admit that I feel guilty about tormenting Lucas sometimes but I can’t help it. Shaking people down makes me feel stronger and more powerful.

So day 1. I need an ally. I know there are people who will want to help me and I decided to let them help. People like CeCe. We were both Alison’s victims and we understand each other. Then there’s a nurse called Sybil. She’s so positive and nice. Nurse Lisa makes sure I get my medication. And then there’s Eddie. He’s nice and all and he seems like someone I can talk to, but I have this annoying feeling that he doesn’t really believe that I have a problem.

Alison. She keeps haunting me. I thought that she was the mysterious person in the Red Coat who came to visit me today, but I don’t think that’s her. But it’s someone who’s trying to control me and I hate that feeling. I always need to be in complete control.

Hanna. She understands, but she doesn’t know the whole story. She has her own problems and I get it, which is why I’ll pretend I can’t hear her.

My condition. So I have a personality disorder and some other conditions, including psychosis. They’ll just be filling me with medication for now until I start showing some signs of life and then I’ll start individual and group therapy. My doctors are Anne Sullivan and Wren Kingston. They both understand me but they’re completely useless for now.

I already found a way in and out of this place. The only thing I need to figure out is the time when no one will be checking on me.

Radley Sanitarium, Day 2

I had a dream about Sybil last night. I was talking to her and I told her some very personal things about me and she was so supportive. I felt like I could trust her. And then Lisa woke me up. I pretended I was asleep so she called another nurse but they didn’t manage to get me out of bed. Bitches. Luckily they gave up so I stayed in bed just staring at the ceiling for a while, and then I fell back asleep. When I opened my eyes I saw a doll in my bed. It was the prettiest doll I’ve ever seen… then Sybil came in my room. She was so nice.. she brushed my hair and told me how pretty I was. Apparently she was the one who brought the doll. I wanted to smile but I just had to keep pretending I was catatonic. Sybil mentioned the doll was from the children’s ward in Radley.. I loved the doll so much that I decided to name her Hanna.

My day was generally boring.. I was just sitting around, looking out the window but on the other hand I figured out exactly when I can sneak out and for how long without getting caught. So I went to find the children’s ward, but I didn’t enter. I think I might explore it tomorrow.

I was in the day room for an hour during the day just observing other patients. There’s this patient called Rose and I heard her bitching about not being able to chew gum in here. When I start talking again she’s gonna be my Radley bff, I just know it.

No one visited me so I guess people are really just glad that I’m locked up. Oh well…

Radley Sanitarium, Day 3

I woke up in the middle of the night because I heard a noise, so I opened my eyes and I swear I saw Alison sitting in my chair. She started laughing at me.. but I fell back asleep so I don’t even know if it was a dream or if she was really there.