I Bite My Tongue So You Don't Hear Me...

Hey, Im Josh Owens, 15 years of age. Quiet, calm, unloved you could say.

Let me describe a typical day for me, it would go like this. Wake up. Cope with abusive parents. Go to school. Cope with bullies. Walk home from school. Probably ending up getting mugged or beaten up on the way. And back to abusive parents for the rest of the night. You see...This has been going on for the last 4 years of my life...It all started when I was 11. The death of my sister; Arianne. I guess you could say she was their perfect child. Did as she was told, kept quiet and probably one of the smartest students around especially in this hell hole of a city. She sacrificed her life to protect me, I couldn't pay her back-I never would be able to-no matter how hard I'd try.

Arianne and me were casually walking back from school after my late night detention, stopping in our tracks we'd been threatened by a group of alcoholic teenagers that were out looking for trouble to cause. Once Arianne stepped in, beggining to answer back to their rude insults and remarks she began to hold them back as they came running for me, telling me to run as they began to attack her.

So I was 11. What do you think I would do?

That's correct. I would run.

I ran for my life, all the way back home. Only when I got to the door mum and dad immediatley knew what was up. In the end, Arianne never made it back home. The day of the funeral was a dull, dark one. I bet you can guess who my parents were to blame.

Yes, of course.

Me.

**Flashback**

"You reckless useless boy! This is all your fault!" Dad yelled at me, gripping my wrist tightly.

Tears sprung to my eyes, he'd never shouted at me like this before. No matter what I'd done before.

"Mum!" I cried as dad threw me into the wall, my shoulder ached but I tactfully tried to ignore it, getting to safety was all that mattered, rushing to get to my feet I headed towards her, but by the look on her face I could tell she was NOT happy. The way she was looking at me was...so cold, her light green eyes glaring at me, not as if I were her son. As if I were a pest.

"This is all your fault Josh, if only you hadn't gotten a detention that day, been a good student, such as Arianne was, this would have never happened!" Mum shoved me away as I kept a grip on her, sending me hurtling to the floor. Tears were escaping her eyes, I didn't blame her, afterall, she lost her first child. Her favourite child.

**End Of Flashback**

They had lost a child, not bothering to care about the other.

Afterall, who would want to love someone like me?

No One.

Who would want to be friends with this loner?

No One.

These past 15 years of my life I have been ignored, abused and used for peoples own sakes, a punching bag.

I don't deserve to live...

Why do I carry on living day for day, why do I even bother. I try my hardest yet I still fail. I don't exist to most people, would it make a difference if I did actually die?

I was determined to make a change for myself, I want to be noticed. I want to be loved, I want to be looked up to.

No matter what, I will make a change, show people what it's like to be trampled on, treated like shit.

And I was determined to start as soon as possible.