It was midnight. The room was in silence and I was trying to sleep but as soon as I closed my eyes, the same image appeared on my mind.
For five months, I had tried to put away that idea, but the harder I tried not to think of it, the harder it came to my stupid mind.
What would he think of me if he knew I was gay and I was dreaming of him?
Zayn was the first who I told I liked boys; Niall, as cute as always, told that he was going to love anyway and gave me a big hug, and Louis caught me kissing a guy who I didn’t remember his face when we were on a party(even though I hide myself very carefully), even my family knows it, but Harry…
How I was supposed to say to Harry I liked boys and I felt in love with him?
-Liam, Liam, wake up please. I need your help.
Someone was calling me but I didn’t want to get up, I’d almost fallen asleep and now I was having again the same dream.
-Go to your bedroom, Harry, Lou is waiting for you.
-Liam, it’s very important. If it wasn’t, I would not wake up you. –He was on his thirteen’s, so I looked at him and I could see he had been crying.
I jumped out of the bed and I was almost dressed when Harry started to laugh loudly, but I could notice the pain on his laugh. It wasn’t the happy noise I used to smile for.
-When you want, you’re very very fast Daddy Direction. I wonder in what you are fast too…
-Although I like so much this conversation, I don’t think you’ll ever know-Don’t get me wrong, these sentence hurt me so much.- So, why did you wake up me, Hazza?
Harry slowly sat on my bed, and started to cry. I sat down quickly next to him and hugged him. I knew what to do in those cases, because he always came to me when he was wrong and reciprocal.
-Harry, calm down and tell me what’s wrong.
He looked at me, scared, and caught a clinex to blow his nose. Then, he looked again at my entire room, stood up and, after looking again outside the room, he closed the door.
-It’s eight in the morning, I don’t think anyone is awake, but if you want to close the…
-I do want to close the door. I don’t want anyone to hear our conversation, and Zayn sometimes wakes up very early, when we’re on tour.-He interrumpted me.
He sat down in the same place as he was before.
-Liam, I wanted to talk to you about one thing… Shot me out of the sky, you’re my kryptonite…-He sang when he remembered the song.
-Harry, go to the point, please. I know you like very much these song, I also do, but I like to sleep too, did you know it?
-Okay, okay, sorry Ian. So like two weeks ago, when we went party, something really weird happened… I, I kissed a boy, Liam.
-I kissed I girl, and I liked it, WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT??
I was shocked. My brain couldn’t believe what he had heard. A lot of emotions came to me just in seconds, and for a moment, just for a very short moment, I imagined a life with Harry, my dear Harry.
What I though it was a moment, it resulted to be about ten minutes without saying nothing; and when Harry brought me again to the real life, I wondered why he hadn’t go in all this then minutes I had acted like an idiot guy.
-Anyone else knows what you’ve told me?
-Errm, no I don’t think so. NO, definitely not.
-And…why, why have you told me, and not Louis, for example?
Harry sighed very loudy, maybe thinking I was totally stupid. And he wasn’t wrong.
-‘Cause… you know? When we both are upset, we talk to each other about our feelings, and it has been like that since the very first moment. So why not to choose you to be the first to tell I think I’m gay?
*Dreams are changing to reality, dreams are changing to reality, dreams are changing to reality* My head could only repeat this words.
I hugged Harry while I was blaming myself for haven’t told him I liked boys too.
-Is anything wrong, mate?- Asked Harry when he saw my face.
-No, nothing’s wrong, homosexual friend.- I blamed myself again.
-EH! Don’t call me like that, I mean, I don’t know if I’m gay or it was just a day that I drunk so much.
-It could be, it could be… I don’t know Harry, I think you should kiss a boy to know what you feel and then kiss a girl to…
I couldn’t finished my sentence.
Actually, I couldn’t think of nothing.
I just was feeling butterflies flying inside my stomach.
Yes, Harry was kissing me. And I was having the best time of my life.