Arrows in the Dark

Everything Has Changed

I giggle. I actually giggle. We're drunk. There are bottle's all over the floor. All of which we shared. I don't know whose more muddled. Peeta. Or me. I've done this many times. This is Peeta's first, but he sure knows how to hold his alcohol. He hasn't even shown sings that he might throw up which actually makes me a bit mad. It tastes just as bad coming up as it does going down. Believe me. I'm laying on the couch my legs in Peeta's lap and we're laughing at something. I can't remember what was funny but we've been laughing for a good ten minutes. Every time we become silent we stare at each other and the giggle's ensue. I cover my face and try not to look at him but as we fall silent i peek through my fingers and he's sitting there smiling widely staring at me.

I let out another small laugh and set my feet on the ground. I pull my hair out of it's braid still smiling before looking us over. Our clothes are on us haphazardly. Peeta "loosened his tie" he stripped off his jacket and it was thrown on the floor in front of us. Mine is there too. We've kicked off our shoes and Peeta unbuttoned his shirt partly revealing muscles i always knew he had but hadn't seen myself. "What were we laughing at?" i ask looking at Peeta who's brows furrow in concentration.

"I.. I can't remember." this makes us laugh again. I'm leaning against him clutching his arm . "Alright ok. Thank's for this Peeta but i should.. I should definitely go home." i tell him standing.

"No!" Peeta groans pulling me back down onto him. I don't know if it's an accident or not. I squirm in his arms.

"Peeta! Let go!" i whine. He does and slide off of him and onto the couch with a laugh. "You shouldn't drink." i tell him. "You get all touchy feely and emotional." i tell him pushing the hair out of his eyes. It's almost an affectionate gesture and i don't know why I've done it because the expression on his face changes from one of glee to... I can't tell. Desire? But he doesn't like me.. Right?

Peeta licks his lips and his grip on my arm tightens. My breath catches in my throat. "Peeta." i say slowly. He doesn't want this. I think to myself as he begins to lean in. I want this but he can't want to kiss me. It's the alcohol. "Peeta." i say again as his face is suddenly inches from mine. His blue eyes stare into me. "You don't want to kiss me. You're drunk. It's the alcohol." i say squirming again. I'm leaning back but his grip on my arm is tight and if i lean back any farther my head will be on the armrest of the couch. That might be worse than straining my back by keeping it at a sharp angle. I'll have nowhere to go. Trapped, but maybe i want that.

"I'm drunk and I want you." he murmurs against my skin as he lightly kisses my jawline. I can't breathe. My stomach is in knots. I want to throw him off of me but at the same time i want him near. I'm afraid if he kisses me and i kiss back he'll reject me. He'll see sense. Then I'll collapse. I'll have to play it off and i don't think i can. "I'm drunk and i need you." he murmurs before kissing me roughly. I breathe in and return the kiss locking my hands behind his neck. Then he's hovering over me propping himself up with one hand while the other knots itself in my hair. I can taste the alcohol on his lips and I'm sure he can taste the same on mine. I pull him on top of me. I don't care if he crushes me. I need him near me.

Despite his build he isn't as heavy as i expected. Peeta mumbles something i don't understand. I don't break away to try and ask him though. If i do i might not be able to kiss him again. I'm pretty sure i whimper when his cold hand brushes against the bare skin of my stomach. I think my shirt got hiked up in the process. He runs his fingertips along the hem of my pants and they trail up my stomach. Suddenly he stops. He's off of me in a second breaking my hold on him and standing in front of the couch, his back toward me. I bite my lip feeling the slight tingle. I don't want to say anything. I don't know what i could say.

Slowly i stand, not making a single noise. I pull my shirt down and push my hair back. My stomach churns and i feel like throwing up. I should've just left. I shouldn't have let him kiss me. I stumble as i pick up my jacket. "You can sleep here tonight if you want.." Peeta says quietly. I almsot don't think i heard him right.