It was an everyday thing for Adam; talking to his one true love each day, staring into her eyes, while she only looked back with friendly eyes, loving just as a brother.
It was a really bumpy road, but with alcohol, he escapes his sadness.
He hated alcohol. But alcohol was the only thing that would numb the excruciating pain. Every day for four months, he had been drowning in his sorrows. He's been crying himself to sleep, thinking that one day all the pain will go away. Everything he ever felt about her, he wanted to lose, but he never could forget, even though he wanted to.
"I tell you everything. There's nothing in between us. No secrets and no lies. I promise."
His best friend's words repeated in his head millions of times.
He knew that she was in love, just not with him. Although he knew, he clung extensively onto the one strand of hope--- one day, Ella would finally know and realize that she would be better with her best friend Adam, not that other guy. Adam knew he was delusional, there was no chance for him at all. That small strand of hope was slowly slipping away from his grasp.
"I don't want to keep hold on to something I'll never have."
He was feeling sick to his stomach, reading the text he had just received from his "best friend. "
"Adam I'm so excited!!!!!!!! Wait I'll tell you when I get there, stay happy, I'm coming!"
He kept reading the text message over and over again, almost eighteen times in the evening.Practically knowing what she was going to say, he kept denying it. His heart finally cringed and became fragile.
The living steel door clicked, and in walking in a smiling jewel, Ella.
Adam did not stand up, or could he even breathe. He sat there, dumbfoundedly holding the can of beer, waiting for his best friend to sit on the other end of the sofa.
"Adam..." Ella spoke, trying to calm herself down.
Her eyes had wandered to the hands that were tightly clenched on to the beer can that she had been seeing for the past few months.
"You hate beer don't you? You can't even take that much!" said Ella.
"I need it. My head's been killing me, I ... just can't sleep."
Trying to be the best friend that was excited, was the right thing to do.
"So... Why is my best friend so happy?" gazing and piercing Ella with his brown eyes.
He only wanted one thing at the one moment, to not hear anything. To drown and be numb, permanently. But, like always, life was not in his favor.
"I said yes to him!"
The voice replayed in his head.
He wanted to jump off the building. He wanted the world to end, before she ever had the chance to say goodbye, to that other guy. Nothing ever went his way, he just did not want to live.
The words were too much for him to take in. His tears were welling up in his eyes, but he couldn't let her see him cry. He's been in love since he first met her, yet he knew that she would never be his.
For once in his life, he was speechless.
This was bullshit to him.
She had another wish-to be mute, just to prevent herself from saying anything. But she wasn't. His best friend was waiting for a reaction, maybe just an approval.
"Adam?"
He snapped back to reality and kept the his happiest face on.
"That's...awesome."
He was fighting himself, telling himself not to cry. He still wanted to make sure that Ella would never know, keeping his grin as wide as possible; his voice quivered and shook which almost got him caught.
"T-t-t-t-tell m-me everything that happened tonight."
'You idiot. You'll break her. Keep yourself together now. When she leaves you can fall apart.' He mumbled softly.
Ella decided to move closer to Adam, his tears were still there, about to drop.
"We were just eating dinner, it had such a romantic ambiance. Mellow music was playing and he just gave me this beautiful bracelet."
Adam looked up and saw a new beautiful silver bracelet, with the bracelet Adam gave her no where to be seen.
"He said told me that, he loved me. He said he never stopped thinking about me. If you were there, and saw the twinkle in his eye Adam! It was so sincere. I've never met anyone so loving in my entire life!!" Ella leaned on Adam's shoulder as she was retelling the story.
'You really don't know do you? I've been trying to get you to finally see me in a different light. Yet all you see is him?'
"Adam... He said what I've been waiting ages to hear!"
HIs eyes softly met Ella's eyes. He knew that it would be that last time that he would look at her. For a moment, they were just staring at each other.
Adam's gaze, was a gaze of love, a fiery flame of love that would never go out. He was staring straight into her soul trying to find one last memory to cherish before his departure..
For Ella, it was a totally different stare. Someone else was on her mind and in her heart.
"I love you..." Ella gently said.
Adam tried to pretend that those three little words were only for him. He took in the sweet scent of her hair. How he wished that Ella loved him.
"I love you too," he said solemnly. "You said that right back to him, right????"
Ella happily agreed and cuddled with Adam like they did for the past eight years as only best friends, and not lovers.
"I'm so happy. I can't believe we're official."
Hearing that from Ella's lips made Adam tremble and shudder. He tried to keep calm.
"I'm really happy for you, Ella..." That was the last straw.
His onyx eyes failed himself as tears began to stream down his pale cheeks.
It was probably the biggest lie he would ever say entire life and the biggest regret he would ever have. .
'And maybe we'll never be, and maybe you'll never know what you meant to me.'
