CONTINGENT

01

01

          Everything seemed to be okay and in proper order. A piece of cloth makes me warm in the cool breeze of the afternoon. It was raining hard. Sun already passed down my face while I was still in my bed. I am at peace. I stood up, the water that the regime officials gave to us is still in that cup beside the wooden stool. I got that myself for my mother who once worked for a couple of days in the land. In which I know that she will be asking for a drink to gulp. For the work I saw in the fields was rugged. You have to do all the work for the whole day in the large part of cultivation. I saw my mom soaked with sweat. She was pleading for at least single drop water, different from the water that everybody gets. She wanted the water underground that only my mother and I drink while everybody else thinks that it has a bacterial chemical that kills. But for a long time, we did not die, I even think it’s just because we’re already immune. But I trusted my mother. I was a little child back then, innocence builds me up – so I didn’t ask any more questions.

          A voice commands everyone to move out, everybody was terrified, and I was looking for my mom. She still didn’t get back home. A door bangs open. Everybody was afraid to all the Regime officials that are armed with guns. “Everyone move out!” a soldier shouted. I was afraid, and an ocean of water blurs my eyesight. I was afraid – everybody was. I hear and notice that everybody was already aligned and bowed down afraid of being – killed. I was the only one still inside the room with pieces of dark metal that covers the floor from being wet. It was raining even harder this time. “You little girl, what are you doing here? Didn’t I tell you to move out?” the voice from the official was terrifying, even more terrifying than a growl. Because the official, covered with shielded transparent mask seems likely that those words that he told me to be a - whisper. I should move. I should move my legs out of this room. I should. But I couldn’t. My legs won’t move. I am waiting for someone – my mother.

          A slap hit me. A Stronger slap this time. I was bleeding, and could hardly breathe. A steel-like hand gloves that were worn by the officials touches my face. I can’t breathe. I was gasping for air. I could barely see anything. Just a blurry vision of one of the official communicating in his most likely his commander and a girl that may looked like my mother. Blur of my vision takes me to sleep. I was in shocked and in deep pain. Thoughts of my mom, where could be my mom? Is she safe? I couldn’t bare get things complicated in my mind as soon as I could talk to my mother. I hope she did not see me in this situation. I wish she did not take amends to fight back. I came back to my senses from the sleep that takes me somewhere safe even just for a quite a while that I barely forget everything that happened in between.

          “Keep this girl out of here!” shouted the acting commander official of the regime. “You all get this,” another growl that was sent to the people of Contingent and points a finger – at me. “If you never obeyed promptly to our orders, understand?” the Regime official continues. A low tone this time. Even though it may seem to appear like a question, nobody responded. “Understand!” not a question this time, and everybody slowly nods. I still couldn’t take hold to myself. I could smell blood. And a loud and sharp gunshot ruins the silence and came the commotion. I could hear cries.

          The officials took step down our door step while they tried to control the people of the Contingent. I jumped out of the doorstep and looked for my mother. I was in deep thought. On what could’ve happened to my mother. All I could think and thought for her is to stay alive.

          Between the commotions, a group of people that was turned into a group meets where the gunshot was exactly heard. I was afraid. Afraid of what I’m about to see.

          “Oh God!” hissed the guy that exhales a large air. Everybody was holding their breath and hands on their mouth.

          I could sense the imminent danger as the acting commander official of the regime clears out the group. I could see. I could clearly see why they were holding themselves up. I could see a body. That was brutally killed in a gunshot in the brain. I was terrified. I was afraid. I cried. I screamed inside my head.

          “Everybody, settle down!” another gunshot, not towards the dark sky, but towards another person.

The officials managed the crowd. I was staying still. I could see my eyes in the victim. My lips. They were my mom’s.

          I screamed inside of myself. I cried as if no officials ever existed. I cried all that I could in that very moment. I released all that was me in the body of my mother.

           Every part of me shatters.

          Every part of me breaks.

          “Hey, you! Get up! You’ll be moving in the temporary shelter hall. You…” I could barely hear a single sound. I could only hear a sound of my mom - terrified. I could hear the sound of the sweet voice of my mom how she told me that she loves me. I could hear the sweet hymns of lullaby my mom sang for me. How she bid me good bye. They were the words that stabbed me. I was releasing all my anger to myself, to the system and to the regime officials. But I do not care. All I could see is the reflection myself, in the tears of the terrible grief of what had happened brought me and the body of my mother, empty without a living soul. I cursed the heavens with my heavy tears thinking to feel them gloomed feelings of what I just felt.  

          I was crying so loudly that not even a sound came out.

          I remember my mother’s words. Of course I remember and I know.

          My mother fought back.

          “Get that kid out of here!” shouted one of the officials.

          But I was no longer terrified.

          I was no longer afraid.

          The official holds my arms and mercilessly forcing me to get up and go to the uncovered truck, thinking to feel the hardness of the pouring rain in the gloomy dark and terrifying mad sky. I have get up. I have to collect the shattered parts that once build me. I have to loose the anger and self-destruction of the actions I could’ve done. Because I know to myself that I could haven’t done more.

          But now I could do more.

          I will do more.

          I have to.

          I have to.

          Fight.

          Back.